Frozen Americans: A Tribute

This July 4th, while you are celebrating and eating and shooting sparks in you eye and totally not doing anything illegal, take time to remember those heroes that made a difference.  Those brave persons who fight day in and day out for your love and admiration.  I'm talking, of course, about American hockey players.  Aren't they just so dreamy.  Yes, yes they are.

But, we can't honor all of them on this day.  Oh no.  Only the best.  And, only those that will make this a somewhat quick post.

Soooo, without further bullcrap, and because this is somewhat timely, I present a tribute to the two American-born captains who led their team to a Stanley Cup Finals victory: Derian Hatcher and Dustin Brown.

Derian Hatcher (via) – By the way, this photo had the word "Allsport" in the title.  Remember that drink?  Holy hell that was a long time ago. Apparently it still exists.

Everyone remembers Derian Hatcher for leading the Dallas Stars to their one and only Stanley Cup victory in 1999.  Of course, this was also the series of the infamous "crease rule" violation that clinched the Cup for the Stars.  The goal was scored by another American who I have been told by reliable sources he is/was kind of a dick, so we won't name names to protect the innocent, etc.

Anyway, good job Derian.  This Bud's...uh, oh no no, this Miller's for you!  You keep on looking like Adam Copeland and Wes Scantlin you hero of the hockey-iron.

Via USA Hockey

Via

That leads us to the second, and most recent, American-born captain to lift the Stanley Cup, Dustin Brown of the LA Kings.  He's so fresh in your mind he is like a freshly-baked mind cookie or something.  Brown, like Hatcher, led his respective team to its first and only Cup.  Dustin Brown also did this once.

Thanks to Wheezy McBreathesweird for the video recording of his TV

He also has the mouth of a sailor, like any good American.  So Dustin, today we salute you and your attractive wife and your awkward Team USA photos.

What the hell?
But really, all family portraits should be like this. (via)

Okay, let's not forget the runner-up of this year's Stanley Cup Finals.  Minnesota's own Zach Parise and his New Jersey Devils lost to an American-born captain, so I guess that counts for something.  So, good on you Zach Parise.  Also, you did this once.  That was awesome.

Happy Fourth of July or whatever.  Eat, drink, and get drunk!

Via

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I Wish I Had a Tallon Blueprint... :(

The NHL rolled out a new playoff ad campaign this year meant to attract the "casual fan," replacing their old, passive voiced "History Will Be Made" campaign of the previous two seasons.  This new campaign is titled "Because of the Cup," and it encourages these "casual fans" to watch because...uh, I guess because it's the Cup, which is good enough for me and you, but maybe not for the random dude over at the KC basketball blog (as far as I can tell, no such blog exists...).

Anyway, the NHL has created many team specific spots, but only of most Eastern Conference playoff teams, Detroit, and Vancouver (fix this, NHL).  One of the Eastern Conference teams featured in the ads are the upstart Florida Panthers.  The Panthers won the Southeast Division this year after free-falling into that position the last month of the season or so.  Oh, and don't forget GM Dale Tallon's wild 2011 free agency signing period.  Basically, this team wasn't supposed to crack the top ten in the East, let alone win the division, but here we are.  That's why they play the games, etc.  That being said, here is the NHL's "Because It's the Cup" ad for the Panthers:

The "Tallon Blueprint"?  You have to admit, his "blueprint" is an unconventional one, if not entirely different than the one that resembles Brian Burke's ass.  But, basing a commercial around free agent acquisitions.  Damn, that's really going to attract the casual fan...  It's obvious the NHL wants to go away from pointing out specific players that maybe only semi-interested fans might know, but you can't talk about the GM and then show a bunch of the first year Panthers if that's the case.  Point out the fact Florida hasn't been to the playoffs in forever.  Or, if you will show players, maybe point out Jose Theodore's decent season, or Tomas Fleischmann's strong scoring year, or...or....wow, no one on this team stands out.  Really.  It's the truth.  Go to the League Leaders page on NHL.com.  No one leads the league in any scoring category or plus/minus category.  Not even near the top.  Theodore is the best goalie on the team, which is like mediocre compared to most of the league.  How did they make the playoffs?

Dale Tallon, you are a special kind of genius.