Hockey Business Blog

Showing posts with label BAD PHOTOSHOP. Show all posts

The Stanley Cup Goes to Some Weird Places

For some reason, I am on the media mailing list for KC ICE's Northland rink at Burlington Creek. Yay!(?)

Anyway, the Stanley Cup – or one of the twenty replicas – is coming to the rink this Saturday, January 5th if you would like to see it. Actually, it's coming to EnChamas restaurant, but, eh...close enough. So, go see it if you want to see it. It's worth the price of admission to see Anze Kopitar's name on there, let me tell you buddy. BONUS: For a small fee, you can get your picture with the Cup AND 1980 USA Gold Medalist and local guy Ken Morrow. Yay!(?) Here's the promo flyer.

So, yeah, there's that. It made me wonder what other random people charged you to take pictures with the Cup at random locations.

Paul Bissonnette – aka BizNasty, and he of the best yoga instructor in this world or any other – at Casa Bonita. Because what else do you think he does for his birthday?

Sean Avery at Beef O'Brady's. Can you imagine sitting next to the Stanley Cup, and talking to Sean Avery over an OMG Burger? I can.

The ghost of Lord Stanley of Preston – namesake of the Cup – at a Chipotle in Arizona. Because seriously, like the Stanley Cup would be caught dead in Arizona.

Seattle Still Not Getting An NHL Team, Media Hangs On To Every Word Willy Wonka Says

lol labor disputes
Via ABC News, AP Photo/ The Seattle Times, John Lok

Insert something thoughtful about the Oilers-to-Seattle mess currently in the news here.

It's all already been said. It was said way before it was even officially said. Oilers to Seattle: not going to happen. Any team, at this present moment, and over the course of the next two years, to Seattle: not going to happen. Very few people in the media understand this, apparently, or just need something to write about. PucKChaser gets it. I'm sure a good chunk of you Kansas Citians out there get it.

Why is this so hard to understand?

As similar as Seattle's situation with the Oilers is to KC's situation with the Penguins was, they differ in one major regard. The Sprint Center wanted (still wants...?) a tenant, any tenant. NBA, NHL, the exclusive home of Grave Digger. Anything. Seattle just wants the NBA. After the Sonics/Thunder divorced Seattle, Seattle has been trying to get back a team that kind of looks like the Sonics, but without the bitchy in-laws, and maybe a little more blonde than brunette this time. They also would prefer nice teeth, but it's certainly not a deal breaker. An NHL team – after an NBA team, mind you – would be bully for them. Certainly not enough to build an arena around, though, not matter how much potential she has or how many rings she owns.

This is all I can say to Daryl Katz – owner of the Oilers and the least impressive Martin Short rug I have ever seen: At least make sure the city you are using as leverage actually wants a hockey team before you indeed use them as leverage.

There are some smart thinkers in the ranks of the owners, boy howdy. Theorists, really.

Since it doesn't get much more black and white as that, here is one of my early forays into .gif making. It's Dave Tippett swearing after an LA Kings goal in the Western Conference final. Because it's never not funny to capture someone swearing on live television:

Also, check out that Grave Digger link. Lesson number one out there for all you kids thinking about becoming a blogger: there is never a bad time to link to YouTube videos of Grave Digger within a blog post.

True story, I actually went to see Monster Jam or whatever the hell they call it at Kemper about eight years ago, and I was so stoked for the Grave Digger portion of the show which was the finale or something, and the damn thing came out for thirty seconds, hit a ramp wrong, and flipped over. Sure, it was awesome, but not as awesome as it could have been.

The 2012-13 Heels of Hockey: The Desert Dawgz

RKO! RKO! RKO!

The Corporation, the nWo, Evolution, the Phoenix Coyotes...all great wrestling heel factions. What's that, "The Coyotes", you ask? Oh yes, and let me tell you, they really hate "you people" and flee close matches with their collective tails between their legs (pun intended).

Remember last season when everyone rooted for the Boston Bruins to beat the Vancouver Canucks in the Stanley Cup Finals (we did this, people, and we have to live with our decisions)? Just to see that "flopper" Ryan Kesler, that "douche" Alex Burrows, those "creepy twins" the Sedins, and "weird gaze dude" Roberto Luongo get their comeuppance. (Plus, head coach Alain Vingneault speaks something called "French." That can't be good.) Then, through this season, the 'Nucks were arguably the heels of hockey...until they lost in the Finals and in the first round this year. No longer perceived as a threat, we now have a new enemy, someone else to form a feud against the John Cenas and Rey Mysterios of the world. The Phoenix Coyotes. Learn why after the jump.
As Quisp at McSorley's Stick explains, after the Coyotes players' almost comical reactions to the officiating (among other things) in the Western Conference Finals against the Kings, the "'Yotes mentality" brings with it an unfortunate side effect of breeding craziness among its followers:

I think what we’re seeing here is a window into the Coyotes’ actual team psychology. They have been feeding for so long on the fact that they have been on the verge of bankruptcy, legal troubles, one foot out the door to other cities, playing in empty arenas — using all of that as a rallying cry — that their sense of persecution has become an ingrained and defining part of their collective identity. “Everyone is out to get us” — in its various iterations — has been their team motto, and they’ve used it to their advantage, until now. And their psychotic reaction to actually losing is the flip side of believing their own internal narrative.

The Coyotes have no owner; they are orphans looking to exact revenge on society for bad things that happened in their lives. They also do not have a very large fan base (in comparison to the rest of the NHL). No one cares about them (their implication, not mine), they have no direction, and their actions reflect that mentality. So, the sensible thing to do is to compare them to wrestling heels, the only people in the world that reflect the same emotional instability (other than super villains, but some may argue they are not real people).

What does it take to be an effective heel in the WWE, TNA, professional wrestling et al.?

1. Be a douche to others.

2. Whine about shit.

3. Call out the audience using the phrase "you people," or implying it's you against everyone else.

4. Be good so you can back up your talk.

5. Be a little crazy, and say things that don't make sense or call out "the establishment."

6. Attack officials, administrators, or anyone in a position of authority.

7. Attack unsuspecting opponents (typically with an intent to render them ineffective before a big match).

8. Most heels are either minorities (all the black heels as a tag team, for example) or hate minorities (making fun at Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez). This is a fact.

9. Never, ever, under any circumstances, engage in a feud with a commentator.

The first seven apply to our subject for today (and #9 is just common sense. An announcer wrestling, other than maybe Regal, is just stupid.). #8 applies to the Arizona immigration law, of which the Coyotes are grouped into by default. The point being, the Coyotes common mentality with the slighted bad guys of wrestling. The 'Yotes don't take crap from anyone else, they play hard even when the arena is half full, and do all of this knowing that at any moment Bettman could announce the franchise's relocation to the North Pole. But, in these playoffs, this mentality has not won over many fans, which is unfortunate, because this franchise has failed to attract more than 13,000 fans per game since they did so in 2008-09 (plus, an influx of Kings fans during crucial playoff games in your home arena does not look good on TV, especially since Kings fans don't ever travel to games).

So, let's take a look at a few of the players and see how they compare to other great heels in wrestling history. Maybe we will all learn to hate the Coyotes even more. Plus, you will be happy to know this information when you start seeing nWo posters at Coyotes games next season.

Shane Doan – Ah, the fearless leader, the grizzled vet seeking his first encounter with Lord Stanley's Cup. He's less like a wrestler and more like Gunnar Stahl from "D2: The Mighty Ducks." Such an epic douche that when he gets beaten by a girl (read: someone better than him) at the end, all of the irony is tossed out the window.

"I must break you"

He also does stuff like this on a regular basis:

With all the talk and his douchiness and the fact that he may or may not show up to work the next day due to consequences of his actions, let's call him the modern day Chris Jericho of professional hockey.

Mike Smith – He speaks like the nonsensical Iron Sheik with his "Dustin Brown should be suspended FOREVER" speech following the WCF.

“When Brown gets away with something like that after the whistle, knee-on-knee, that’s a dangerous play...If Raffi Torres gets 25 games for his hit [on Chicago forward Marian Hossa], this guy should be done forever.”

Anything else? Oh yeah.

He dives like Dolph Ziggler, and he is damn good at it. And, like Ziggler, he is good at his job, but his skills have not had so much air time until recently. All he needs to do now is show-off so much it causes him to give up a goal.

Michal Rozsival – Rozsival = Kevin Nash circa the Fingerpoke of Doom

Via HF Boards

Martin Hanzal – Generic Heel Jobber #4. He's like the Joker in a deck of ass.

Derek Morris – This guy is difficult to pinpoint. He's not necessarily good, and he definitely sucks. He's a clumsy, bumbling stooge when on the ice.

What's that, you say? Derek Morris says silly nonsense when he speaks. Well, I don't know about any of that, but here's his thoughts on the Kings series:

Today was unfortunate, the bad officiating...There’s no accountability with them, that’s the only problem. They don’t have anybody to answer to. They say that they do, but they don’t.”

Also, his dumb luck meter has far exceeded it's potential. Now that I think about it...he kind of looks like a certain wrestler too...

He's so much like Big Show it's scary.

Raffi Torres – He's the Brock Lesnar of hockey: he just wants to kill someone and walk away like it's no biggie. These are just some of the reasons fans want to boo him when his music hits.
Jordan Eberle hit
Nate Prosser hit
Marian Hossa hit

BizNasty – Stat line for April 19th game against the Blackhawks (last game until suiting up for the Kings series):

0:13 ice time, 1 shift, 5 minute penalty for fighting, game misconduct for equipment violation

Also, he's entertaining to follow on Twitter. So, Ted Dibiase Jr.?

Keith Yandle – Yandle's reaction to the officiating in the WCF and the reaction of Bret Hart during the Montréal Screwjob are uncanny. Damn you, Earl Hebner and Vince McMahon.

Of course, Bret Hart went on to have success after that incident, but, only time well tell on Yandle.

Jason LaBarbera – Sucks and laughable. He also does a victory dance. He's Hornswoggle.

Ray Whitney – He's old and he has won a Cup. Let's just call him TNA's version of Ric Flair from the team Beer Money Inc.

Even the announcers portray some of these traits. How about color commentator Tyson Nash doing his Michael Cole impression, stating the Torres hit on Hossa was "clean", and for this tweet about the Dustin Brown hit, since deleted:

P.S.: Brown received no supplemental discipline for the hit

Vintage Michael Cole.

That brings us to the ring leader of this operation, and the one to blame for most of this: General Manager Don Maloney, more like the Shane McMahon of the Coyotes. He created the current culture of the Coyotes, but you can't blame him for everything. The NHL, like Vince McMahon, sit idly watching in their ivory tower, contemplating every move, and then do nothing for long periods of time. The Coyotes feel abandoned, so they lash out in unnatural ways. It's quite sad, really. And now the NHL wants to get rid of the 'Yotes just when they start doing well. Nothing is ever good enough for the NHL, though, and the Coyotes fell betrayed, so they lash out, no longer seeking acceptance from so-called "normal" or "decent" society.

Let us learn from the NHL's mistake: There are no bad Coyotes, just bad owners.

Former KC Blade in NHL's Western Conference Final

This is a nice litte article (I'm assuming online only) by the KC Star's Alan Burchardt previewing the NHL Conference Finals matchups and giving local connections of each team. Under the Phoenix Coyotes, Burchardt writes:

Former Kansas City Blade Ray Whitney racked up 77 points in his second season in the Valley of the Sun. The Coyotes are his seventh NHL team.

I had to look back, and, yep, holy crap, he did play for the Blades during the 1992-93 season. He played 46 games with 20 goals and 33 assists, so yeah, he wasn't with the Blades too long. Whitney won the Stanley Cup as a member of the Carolina Hurricanes in 2005-06.

Also, this just in: Ray Whitney is old.

After the jump, you will find a photo retrospective of Ray Whitney as a member of the Kansas City Blades. It's pretty touching. Break out the tissues!

This item is for sale on eBay. Hurry, while supplies last.

An artist's conception of hockey in 1992

I always thought this commercial was pretty dumb, until I learned that it used actual footage.

Okay, I don't want to lie to you guys, so, this one is photoshopped. I couldn't find any other Ray Whitney Blade photos. Actually, this is more of an excuse to show the Blades original red jersey. Damn that thing was sharp.

So, yeah, that's about it. But what a memorable 46 games! It kind of brings a tear to your eye.

And, hey, while you are perusing the Internet and all it has to offer, jump over to the Kansas City Hockey History site and learn something, ya crazy kid. Or, if learning about one thing is more your speed, check out the Kansas City Blades Tribute Site. On the real, KCHH is the first site that introduced me to everything and anything Kansas City hockey history related oh so many years ago, and it is a great resource for anyone wanting to learn more about Kansas City sports history, in general.

My Contribution to the "Doughty Laughing" Meme

LA Kings defenseman Drew Doughty was caught laughing at the chaos going on behind him during a scuffle in Game 2 of the Vancouver Canucks-Kings series. This is important (as some people have pointed out) because it shows a more relaxed attitude than what the Kings had in their previous two playoff appearances. But you don't need to know that.

What you need to know:

That's pretty much it. After the jump, I have offered a few.

Cross between Happy/Struting Leo and Laughing Doughy

Doughty laughs at or laughs with Don Cherry

Nice tan lines, Doughty!

Doughty and Coach Dunlop have a revelation

Laughing Doughty and Illegal Poke Checking Clowe tripping Castro mish-mash

Great Moments In Illegal Ryane Clowe Poke Checking History

Via

As you might have seen or heard from last night's San Jose Sharks-Los Angeles Kings game, late in the game the Sharks forward Ryane Clowe reached over the boards to break up a Kings rush into the offensive zone. This is illegal, but the problem is, none of the officials on the ice saw it happen. The Sharks would go on to win in a shootout, and the winner of their game on Saturday now could determine who is the Pacific Division champion and gets the third seed in the Western Conference.

Video of the play below:

After doing a little research, I found out this isn't the first time Ryane Clowe has been involved in illegally using his stick. Take a walk down memory lane, and see what else Clowe has done without the officials, or anyone, taking notice.

Ah yes, the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals. Everyone remembers Brett Hull's series winning goal where he skated through the crease, at the time against the NHL's "Crease Rule." Due to all of the crease hoopla, no one noticed Ryane Clowe STANDING IN THE GOAL poke checking the puck back onto Hull's stick after Hasek makes the initial save.

Every hockey fan has seen Bobby Orr's "The Goal" photo before, taken during the 1970 Stanley Cup Finals. The goal would give the Bruins their first Stanley Cup since 1941. But, have you really looked at it? Although this is an iconic photo, it would have never happened if Clowe didn't come off the bench and skate as the sixth man on the ice for A FULL MINUTE without the officials noticing. He also wore a helmet before it was required, and was colorized before it was cool. What a putz.

Remember when Kelsey Grammer (TV's Fraiser) fell off of a stage while giving a presentation? Ryan Clowe sure does.

This year's Wrestlemania was one that will live in the memories of wrestling fans everywhere. HHH vs Undertaker with Shawn Michaels as the ref, in an END OF AN ERA match. Rock vs Cena, the match to decide what was better: The Attitude Era or PG Era. And the quickest match in the history of Wrestlemania, Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus. As you know, Bryan's girlfriend AJ gave him a good luck kiss after the starting bell rang, allowing Sheamus to catch Bryan off guard, Brogue kick him, and end the match in 18 seconds. Well, if you look closely, AJ isn't the only one to blame. It appears someone tripped up Bryan before he could fully turn around to face his opponent. Also, Clowe wears a stupid pixelation suit, which really looks bad in HD.

I hate to break it to everyone, but, no, an iceberg didn't sink the Titanic. I guess that means if you pay to see Titanic 3D you are contributing to lies.

Ryane Clowe tripped Fidel Castro. Oh, I guess this one isn't so bad. Carry on.

Quebec Fallout: What the Hell is Going On Out Here?

NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly and the Travel Channel's Andrew Zimmern. Separated at birth?

I was harsh on ruling Gary Bettman a "failure" when it comes to the possible move of the Phoenix Coyotes (or some mystery franchise -- I'm looking at you Dallas) to Quebec City. Two franchises relocating to cities that have lost teams earlier in your tenure does not necessarily make you a failure. Nor does one lockout (now two, that may be a problem). I'll admit, that's a harse assessment. Bettman has transformed the NHL into a multi-billion dollar industry by spreading the sport to other markets and through TV rights deals. Plus, he confesses to his mistakes. I guess that's a good thing, even from a fan's standpoint. But, I come from an American perspective. Canadians do not want him to take hockey away from its homeland and place it in the desert or the beach. Which makes sense, more or less, because although I would like to see more Canadian MLB teams it's hard to imagine the outrage if, say, the Rays moved up north. (By the way, just for fun, I searched "What are good things Gary Bettman has done for hockey?" into Google. Not a lot of positive reviews came up. Just FYI.)

Perhaps, though, much of the fuel of my anger comes from this assumption that the Coyotes are already on their way to Quebec. An assumption, of course.

From the CBC:

NHL deputy commissioner Bill Daly was asked on Sunday whether the possibility of the struggling Phoenix Coyotes being relocated to Quebec City was strengthened by the announcement on Sunday.

"No, there's nothing new here," Daly wrote in an e-mail.

The same Bill Daly that denied any deal was done less than a month ago. Damn, Daly sounds like one tough hombre. Do not cross that man.

His response makes sense, though. The NHL is not going to tip its hand, nor outright say "Oh heck, yeah, that changes everything!" No, they are playing the game just like everyone else in this situation. Quebecor, that crazy Saskatoon guy, any and all of the Coyotes possible owners. Everybody. What we know is that the NHL is doing everything they can (or have done everything they could for the past three years) to keep the Coyotes at Jobing.com Arena. Meanwhile, Quebec City and Seattle are building arenas and assembling owner-type people in hopes of getting a wayward franchise. In reality, Mayflower moving trucks are not converging on Glendale, Arizona as you read this. Possibly...

And that's where it gets confusing.

Earlier this week we heard about the NHL's "Plan B", their probable contingency plan for the Coyotes if all ownership candidates fall through. In that contingency plan, the NHL will likely relocate the team to one of three cities: Seattle, Quebec City, or Kansas City.

From PucKChaser:

Kansas City was mentioned as a “in the mix”, but no one has ever explained why.

That is the money statement, right there. Quebec makes sense because of what we have seen from Quebecor and the new arena, etc. Seattle makes sense because of their possible arena deal, and a possible owner attached to said arena. Kansas City makes sense because of... is it still because of the Sprint Center? Or AEG? Barbecue...? Something does not add up.

Easy answer: The NHL is full of crap.
Fun answer: We are not being told everything, and the rabbit hole goes much much deeper than we know. Kansas City, Seattle, and Quebec City. Those three cities, not any others. Apparently, they have more significance than Las Vegas or Saskatoon in this case. We just do not know exactly why. Obviously, though, the NHL must be on speaking terms with these cities. Therefore, Bill Daly's comments do not hold much truth. Then again, they do. The NHL could care less about new arenas. Also, not only has the NHL not sold the Coyotes, they have a Plan B. But, a new Quebec or Seattle arena will not sway that opinion. What about the owners. Pierre-Karl Peladeau and Quebecor in Quebec. Christopher Hansen et al. in Seattle. Who in Kansas City? Mystery guy? Has AEG found someone and nobody knows. Not likely. But, what strange goings-on, indeed.

The only thing that might have some truth is that the NHL operates like the Knights Templar, guarding secrets and leaking (possibly) faulty information to keep us all guessing.

Playing with the King of Hearts, knowing it ain't really smart.

The Coaching Carousel, Brought to You By Teams that Fire Their Head Coach With Eighteen Games Left

But, really, Brian Burke? I could give two pucks less if you have one Canadian on your team or three hundred, but damn, by this point in the season you might just want to ride the pony/coach that got you there and hope for the best. Regardless, it's time once again for everyone's favorite fired/rehired coaches segment, the Coaching Carousel!

Oh, and it's in the air people, the smell of playoff hockey. Can you smell it? Don't take one big whiff, you may become lightheaded. It permeates everything around you. It's already upon you, there is no sense in hyperventilating yourself into unconsciousness trying to smell it.

But, maybe you can't smell it, or don't want to smell it. Well, I know one thing that smells. Some of the teams who have fired coaches this season. As of now, EIGHT!!! coaches have been fired through three-quarters of the 2011-12 NHL regular season. Compare that to two through this point last season. Yep, two. That is quite a few less than eight if you take time to really think about it.

Again, what follows is superficial data from each team who has fired old coaches and hired new coaches, comparing and contrasting a few stat categories of the teams playing under each coach. It won't solve anything or help you in the dating world, but it may make you sound smart to people who don't follow hockey. And really, isn't that all that matters?

Again, the items highlighted in yellow are specifically important items or stats unique to the success and/or failure of each team.
Click to embiggen each team's stat box.
*-- denotes interim coach
#-- denotes division leader
Stats as of March 6th, 2012 at 11:59pm CT (does not account for Carolina's March 7th game)

St. Louis Blues

The Blues are this year's success story. Yeah, Ken Hitchcock has them scoring and playing overall better hockey than the team under Davis Payne, but just look at that goals against per game average under Hitch. Just marvel at it. It's really a sight to behold. Being the #1 team in the Central Division is an achievement in itself. It's surprising to see the Blues special teams so average considering their dominance over the past four months.

Car-Chair Analysis: President's Trophy? Eh... Let's wait and see how Detroit does down the stretch before we jump to any conclusions.

Washington Capitals

Well, if you look at their special teams under Hunter... oh boy, that can't be good.

Car-Chair Analysis: This team has more problems than what can be determined through a spreadsheet or graph.

Carolina Hurricanes

They have shown gradual, deliberate improvement in scoring more goals than the opposing team, but a 78% penalty kill average is 11% off of the league leader (Montreal). In a lost season, they do have a serviceable powerplay, so that's something.

Car-Chair Analysis: They probably won't finish worse than Montreal, Columbus, or Edmonton, or better than twenty other teams. Lottery pick, AHOY!

Anaheim Ducks

Goals scored, goals scored, goals scored, but goals against, goals against, goals against. This team, as well as they have played under Boudreau, struggles to stay consistent. Hiller is on one night, off the next, and the same thing goes for their offense.

Car-Chair Analysis: Their run over the past two months has been outstanding, but it will have to be more outstanding-er for them to make the playoffs this year.

Los Angeles Kings

The Kings aren't scoring as many goals overall under Sutter, but they are getting them when it matters. Still one of the best in the league when it comes to goals against per game. Sure, the Kings could benefit from more powerplay goals, but it's hard to fault a special teams that gives up so few goals on the penalty kill. If this team had a higher goal producing offensive attack, they may be battling St. Louis for the top spot in the West. Or, they could be giving up three goals per game instead. Whatever.

Car-Chair Analysis: Real talk: The Kings have the potential to be a dangerous team if they make the playoffs. Good defense and good goaltending, with just enough offense sprinkled in has the potential to be hard to stop.

Montreal Canadiens

They have the league's best penalty kill. Otherwise, they suck.

Car-Chair Analysis: Randy Cunneyworth still can't speak French. This results in more losses.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Look, they didn't win with Ron Wilson, and it could have to do with that whole +3 GA/G stat or not. It's just incredible this organization hasn't been relevant for so long. They are like the Yankees in the late 1960s, only longer.

Car-Chair Analysis: The Ron Wilson-era ends and that's all I am going to say for now. Randy Carlyle has coached, like, three games, mended his relationship with Joffery Lupul, and then declared victory all over Lupul's shoulder. That's all you need to know.

Best Available Coaches:

Terry Murray

Jacques Martin

Davis Payne

Paul Maurice

Craig MacTavish

Bob Hartley

Andy Murray (!!! :D)

Pierre Maguire

Scott Gordon

Tony Granato

Scott Arniel

Senator Jacques Demers

Marc Crawford

Michel Therrien

Dean Evason

Gerard Gallant

Ron Wilson

Coaches on the Chopping Block:

Jack Capuano - NYI (meh, probably not)

References:

Game by game stats

STL * WAS * CAR * ANA * LAK * MTL * CBJ * TOR

NHL Standings

NHL PP Stats

NHL PK Stats

Hockey-Reference

The Coaching Carousel Stops at the Break

I'm sure this gag has never been done before...

Ah, the NHL All-Star game. Is there anything more exciting?

Don't you remember last year when those guys scored and everyone was really excited. I sure do. Or how about two years ago, when we were blessed with the Olympics and the NHL took a month hiatus. That was weird, but damn it was fun and much better than the All-Star game.

Look, the All-Star game is great, really. Heck, it's the lead in for the Pro Bowl. That's saying something. But, I'm sure you didn't come here to debate the validity of the ASG. You came for the hardcore spreadsheet action!

At the break, with approximately thirty games remaining for all teams, seven, count 'em SEVEN, NHL coaches have been fired. The most recent being the Blue Jackets now former bench boss Scott Arniel. What follows are the superficial stats of each team, comparisons and contrasts of the hired and fired coaches, and pointless observations that will not help you to understand why sports happen the way that they do.

What does this have to do with Kansas City hockey? Nothing. Continue after the jump.

*Remember that you are more than welcome to click to embiggen. You might have to open the individual Excel sheets in another window. It makes sight easier. Semi-important details have been highlighted for your convenience.

*--* means interim

*--# means division leader

St. Louis Blues

The Blues are the most surprising and successful teams with a new coach. They are in second in the Central Division behind Detroit, but in front of surging Chicago and talented Nashville. Obviously, they aren't losing anymore, but only six games in 36 under Hitchcock ri-dick-ulous (see what I did there?). The goal differential is another important number in seeing their turnaround, and for justifying Brian Elliot's ASG invitation (how is that Halak deal working out?). Many of those goals, or at least more of those goals, are coming from Hitch's powerplay.

Car-Chair Analysis: The Blues have learned how to play offense while having some outstanding goaltending to push them to lose less. That is all. No need to look farther into it.

Washington Capitals

The Caps are one team that has not seen incredible improvement since Bruce Boudreau's firing, but they win games. In fact, the only major differences that these stats show are the decrease in GF/G and GA/G under Hunter. But, 2.81 goals per game for a team with Ovechkin does not sound like a team with Ovechkin, if that makes any sense. Damn you, Dale Hunter! Damn you!

Car-Chair Analysis: Eighth in the East, to as low as ninth, then back to division leaders. Maybe the coach really has no bearing on how this team plays. Maybe Ovi could just be a player-coach. Maybe the Caps will move to KC. Maybe...

Carolina Hurricanes

Ugh, talk about a team that has not improved. Well, the powerplay has gotten slightly better while the PK has gotten slightly worse. But really, an improved powerplay can only do so much drive down the goal differential. Did you know Eric Staal is a -23. Holy crap!

Car-Chair Analysis: Dead last in the Eastern Conference. No, this coaching change did not work.

Anaheim Ducks

What an odd team. They are terrible, but they really aren't that terrible. At this point, Boudreau has coached as many games as Carlyle had when he was fired. Boudreau has won four more games, lost three less, and tied one less. His team has given up eight less, but the special teams have not changed too much. The biggest difference comes in the goals for department; a 17 goal and .71 goals for average improvement.

Car-Chair Analysis: Yeah, Anaheim is better, but will they continue to respond to Boudreau? Eh, sure, why not.

Los Angeles Kings

Kings fans hate to see it, but this team still isn't scoring under Sutter. Of course, they aren't giving up goals either. Only four regulation losses since dumping Murray translates into points, which I guess is the point. But, fewer points is not the point, if you get the point.

Car-Chair Analysis: Down with Murray! Long live Sutter!

Montreal Canadiens

Another blah team. It's hard to say what, if anything, they are doing differently under Cunneyworth. He does appear to be gaining traction over the course of the past month. I mean, if he's heureux au jeu, malheureux en amour, then I guess he will be able to get to his car unharmed after each game, right?

Car-Chair Analysis: Cunneyworth can't speak French. Failure.

Columbus Blue Jackets

OH MY LOOK AT THE GOAL DIFFERENTIAL!!!!!

Car-Chair Analysis: Yeah, they don't win a lot.

What do you see as the most surprising/intriguing/foreshadowing thing from these stats? Give your opinion in the comments.

Stats are as of 1/25/12 at 11:00pm CT

Best Available Coaches: