What follows after the jump chronicles a dream I had the other day. Well, dream is such a loose term. Let's just call it a night terror. It may not entertain you, but, well, let's just say the brain is an amazingly ambiguous organ.
* * *
Flubber McGee: (gets on a bus) Hello, bus driver person. I don't remember where I'm going, but drive around and I'll figure it out.
Flubber McGee: (gets on a bus) Hello, bus driver person. I don't remember where I'm going, but drive around and I'll figure it out.
Bus Driver: Alright.
(Flubber sits down in the empty bus. A hurried man runs up to the bus as it begins to pull away. The driver stops, and lets the man onboard. He sits next to Flubber).
Flubber: (nods head upright acknowledging the man's presence) Hey.
Man: (breathing deeply) Hi, how's it going.
Flubber: (turning away towards the window, disinterested) Pretty good.
Man: Say, I hate to prod, but you aren't in the real estate business, are you? Oh, my name's Jerry, by the way.
(Jerry extends his arm towards Flubber. Flubber hesitates to shake the man's hand, but does so anyway).
Flubber: Nice to meet you, Jerry, and no, I'm not in the real estate business.
Jerry: Oh, that's too bad. Ya see, I'm looking to offload a couple of properties, and hoped someone might be interested. As of right now I can't seem to find anyone.
Flubber: Yeah, I don't really make money, so, I'm not really the best person to talk to...
(Jerry interrupts, as tears begin to roll down his face)
Jerry: See, I'm in way over my head. I hate these properties. I want them gone. Can't you help me? Why won't you help me? Why will no one just let me get rid of this burden?
Flubber: Dude...stop crying.
Jerry: YOU DON'T WANT THESE PROBLEMS!!!
(Jerry runs to the front of the moving bus and out of the retractable doors, rolling away. Flubber catches a glimpse of Jerry as he rolls by, but he quickly disappears. A few blocks go by before the bus stops, this time picking up a man in a long brown trench coat. He walks up to Flubber).
Man 2: Pardon me, but, um, is your name Jerry?
Flubber: Uh, no, actually. No, why do you ask?
Man 2: Oh, I was supposed to meet a man named Jerry on this bus around this time.
Flubber: Well, to tell you the truth, there was a guy named Jerry here a moment ago. He mentioned something about real estate...
Man 2: That sounds like him, all right. Where did he go, do you know?
Flubber: Um, yeah. He, uh, well, umm...
Man 2: Oh, I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. I guess he didn't want to meet after all. Another missed opportunity for ol' Jimmy. Oh well.
Flubber: Yeah, you're probably right. Kind of a weird place to do business, huh?
Jim (apparently): What, on the bus. Oh yes, not the norm in my line of work. But this Jerry wanted to keep things private for some reason.
Flubber: What do you do, if I don't mind asking?
Jim: I've been in the States often, recently in Pittsburgh and Nashville working on some projects that fell through. My line of work can be frustrating at times.
(Jim stares blankly at his wrist watch).
Well, I suppose I should be going.
(Jim gets to the front of the bus and mumbles something incoherent to the bus driver. The bus slows to a stop, and Jim exits. At this time Flubber falls asleep for an unknown period of time. A strong feeling of being watched stirs Flubber from the nap).
Flubber: (groans) uhhhh, wha...?
(A older gentlemen with graying hair and glasses stares back at Flubber, smiling from ear to ear).
Man 3: HELLO MY NAME IS GREG AND I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN AMAZING OFFER YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO RESIST!
Flubber: Why?
Greg: LOOK HERE, SON, HAVE I GOT A GREAT INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY JUST FOR YOU! FOR ONLY THE LOW LOW PRICE OF A COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS PER YEAR, YOU COULD BE THE PART OWNER OF YOUR VERY OWN COMPANY! HERE'S HOW...!
Flubber: Why are you shouting?
Greg: FIRST, JUST GIVE ME ABOUT ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS, RIGHT NOW!
Flubber: Are you robbing me?
Greg: ROBBING YOU!? WHY NO, FAR FROM IT! IF ANYTHING, YOU ARE ROBBING ME! THIS IS SUCH A GREAT OPPORTUNITY, I AM CRAZY FOR OFFERING IT...AND YOU WOULD BE CRAZY TO RESIST IT!
Flubber: Is this a joke? Am I being punked, or pranked, or stooged or something stupid?
Greg: ALL THAT IS HAPPENING HERE IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME CHANGE TO ACHIEVE GREATNESS! I ALREADY HAVE A FEW EUROPEAN GENTLEMEN HIGHLY INTERESTED IN WHAT I'M OFFERING HERE TODAY! BUT I'M OFFERING YOU TWICE AS MUCH AS I'M OFFERING THEM FOR HALF THE PRICE! MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION AND BECOME A SUCCESS TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!
Flubber: No, go away.
Greg: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON...!
Flubber: Dude, go away.
Greg: NOOOO! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARRRREEE MISSSSSSINNNNNGGG OOOUUUUUTTTTTTT ONNNNNNNNNNNN....
(Greg dissolves into a fine mist, which twirls in the air and exits the bus through an open window. The bus stops once again, picking up another man who finds his way to the seat right next to Flubber).
Man 4: (turning towards Flubber) Hi, my name is Gary Bettman.
Flubber: Shit.
* * * FIN * * *
