No NHL Preseason Game in KC Makes Jack a Dull Boy

As NHL training caps are just around the corner, let us remember that Kansas City doesn't have an NHL exhibition game.  Oh, but there is an NBA exhibition game.  So never mind no big deal.  Except IT IS A BIG DEAL.  The last hockey game at the Sprint Center was the October 13th match last year between Notre Dame and Nebraska-Omaha.  And that's the last one for the foreseeable future.  Why?

#1: The NHL lockout
To a small degree, the lockout can be blamed for Kansas City missing out on a hockey game this year.  KC was set to host the Rangers and Avalanche in a preseason game, but it was canceled due to the lockout.  This disrupted a trend of exhibition games at Sprint Center for the past three of four years at the arena.  But, it's not like the NHL's popularity dwindled due to the lockout.  In fact, NBCSN set ratings records, and local ratings were up in many markets. (though it was nice to say we would never watch the NHL again if the whole season was canceled.  Truth is the NHL knows your viewing habits better than you do).

#2: Sly James doesn't understand hockey
You've seen the quote.  Major James doesn't understand the business of bringing a professional sports team to the Sprint Center.  That's AEG's job.  Who brought the Ice Breaker tournament?  NHL exhibition games?  All AEG.  To Mayor James's credit, he has no clue.  But it's not like he's supposed to have a clue.  He's the figurehead, because who do you talk to at AEG about anything happening at the Sprint Center?

#3: Tim Leiweke doesn't work for AEG anymore
Tim Leiweke – KC's AEG representative, former AEG President and CEO, and everyone's favorite anti-hero – left AEG this year to join Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment where he's made a big splash.  Now Dan Beckerman is in charge, a guy with no ties to an arena in the middle of America nor has to throw disgruntled KC constituents a bone now and then because he lied to them over seven years ago.  Kansas City is an afterthought, and though we get the Miami Heat and Charlotte Name Pendings for an NBA exhibition game, this caters to the local college basketball audience around town more than any hope of an NBA team coming to KC.

So, when is the next hockey game in the Sprint Center?  This reiterates that Kansas City does not appear to be in the running for an anchor tenant anytime soon.  Most importantly, though, how long can Sprint Center maintain it's profitability?  With an anchor tenant, the city, arena management, and team ownership all act as checks on the arena, making sure the facilities stay as up to date as possible.  Instead, it's clear the city defers to AEG on all happenings at this arena.  If the arena is no longer profitable and modern, will AEG look to sell it?  If we look at a recent example, it took the city of Kansas City over ten years after the Kings left for Sacramento to give Kemper a much needed renovation.  As we have seen, professional sports ownership typically requests renovations to arenas or stadiums, or threatens to leave.  This is an extreme example, yes, but how long do we really expect this to be a "Top American Arena" or whatever the hell?

Let's look at last year, KC had the highest visibility of hockey in the city since the days of the Blades last year (Ice Breaker, potential Rangers-Avalanche game, the Mavericks).  Instead, we only have the Mavericks to look forward to this year.  A year ago this time the future looked bright.  This year may be a glimpse into our possible future: the Mavericks, and that's it.

Yes, let's enjoy our world class arena with all of it's fun events, and let's enjoy our Missouri Mavericks and the success they have had in just a few short years.  But, it's okay to be cautiously pessimistic of the future of Kansas City hockey.

So, to paraphrase a statement by mayor Sly James, "What would you rather have, events at the Sprint Center or no events.  What do you think would make more money for the city in the long run?"  Maybe shoehorning one hockey event in Sprint Center this year would not have been such a bad idea, and would give the city one more "event" to boast about.

This Quote Deserves Its Own Place in Hell

“Let me ask you this,” (Sly) James said. “Which would you rather have, the Pittsburgh Penguins or the Phoenix Coyotes? Who do you think would make more money for the city in the long run?”

Perhaps the team that wins.  But, if either moves to Kansas City, it's almost a guarantee they will both lose.

:(


For more on this story, click here.

* * *

Also, this article exists, but isn't worth debating.  It's basically every baseless, basic argument put into one editorial.  HOT TAKES like "there aren’t enough pro basketball or hockey fans in this city to support a team even if we got one" obviously lack objectivity and research, and more importantly turn the discussion away from whether or not the P&L District and the city lose money because the Sprint Center doesn't have an anchor tenant (i.e. 40+ guaranteed events for X amount of years).  

And they say print journalism is dying.

(To Yael's credit, this editorial doesn't appear to have the same amount of research and thought as many of his others.  Perhaps the Star just wanted a familiar voice to chime in on the issue.  Not sure why that would be the case, nor what this article was attempting to prove.)

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/06/20/4304493/mayor-says-luring-nhls-coyotes.html#storylink=cpy

The Curious Case (and Unending Questions) of Kansas City Hockey

"This man just got through talking about what the f--- he ain't
G-D did...LONG LIVE THE SCOUTS!!!"

More on this to come, obviously – the city of Glendale wants to lease their own city hall!!!, and Bettman has (supposedly) set a date – but you can be sure that the Coyotes won't end up in Kansas City.  Nope.  Not no way, not no how.  Or they could.  Who knows.  Who knows because Mayor Sly James diverts the truth on the whole issue, for some reason.  As definite as he is in his responses, he also leaves a lot of unanswered questions.  He's like a Pandora's box of dubiousness, always seemingly covering for someone or attempting to save face.  All just to convince someone – anyone – the Coyotes should not come to Kansas City.

Let me point out that James isn't necessarily wrong for doing this, nor refusing to bring the Coyotes to KC a bad idea.  It's an idea.  If the city doesn't want to do it – and if there is no ownership in place – then it does not happen.  Ipso facto.

As you may know, James claims Kansas City and the Sprint Center are not in the running to acquire the Coyotes should the NHL finally put the city of Glendale out of its misery and end their long financial nightmare.  Sly James just spoke to the Kansas City Star on the topic, because these interviews have become an annual tradition so why not.


He says in the KC Star June 20th:

“Several months back, even before that, we put out some feelers and talked to some people we trusted who knew what the situation was … the availability, the costs …” James told The Star on Thursday, “and the basic information was (the Coyotes) need a lot of money from the city in one form or the other. They said, it’s not a great deal for you, like you might hope.
“The question was, ‘What would it take?’ The answer was, ‘A whole hell of a lot. It might take you from a (profit) to a negative.’ It wasn’t something recommended to be done.”

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/06/20/4304493/mayor-says-luring-nhls-coyotes.html#storylink=cp.

Okay, that's fine, I'll bite.  It's going to be a financial disaster...except maybe not.  The franchise is a financial disaster right now.  By moving, it seemingly avoids being a financial disaster.

It is, and forever will be, a financial disaster for the city of Glendale, who had the owner of their hockey team go bankrupt while running the team – thus sending the organization into bankruptcy.  That left the city to own and operate Jobing.com Arena at all expense to them, because the NHL had to take over the assets of the franchise.  The NHL, in its cunning ways, even had Glendale paying off part of the yearly debt of the franchise.  Over the four year span the organization went through a period of continued financial loss, mostly due to its instability and location within the Phoenix-area, and the city felt the pinch through ticket sales, paying the NHL part of the team's debts, and other lost television and marketing revenue (again, because of the instability – not because there are "no hockey fans in Arizona.").  This has continued for four plus years because no one is able to own the team under the NHL's conditions because they are a) keep the team in Glendale and b) since the team is in Glendale, the city must give that owner a sweetheart deal to keep it there i.e. literally PAY THE OWNER TO RUN THE TEAM IN JOBING.COM ARENA just so the ownership can turn a profit.  Without profit, no one wants to own the team.  Chicken and the egg, except the egg is the city of Glendale leasing out their city hall, taxing out the ass, and diverting what's left of their budget.

The tl:dr to that is the Coyotes (and any potential owner) need a lot of money from the city of Glendale, not necessarily from Kansas City...or Seattle...or Vegas...etc. because those cities don't owe the NHL.

The question here is what money do the Coyotes need from another city?  What is that money doing?  Getting them out of Glendale jail?  Moving costs?  Perhaps I don't understand the deal Kansas City has with AEG for the Sprint Center well enough to ably process what part the city has in owning a franchise.  Yes, it stands to gain or lose financially, but what is the difference between a deal with the Coyotes in 2013 and a deal with the Penguins in 2007?  If memory serves me correctly, AEG was willing to give the Pittsburgh Penguins free rent at Sprint when the team mulled relocation.  That's basically what Glendale has to offer to keep the Coyotes in town – plus several million dollars more, again, just so the team can turn a profit.  Is that what Kansas City would run into, having to eat a share of the rent costs of the arena along with AEG or an AEG approved ownership group?  Really, no one knows, and these "some people" James talked to could be anyone.  They could be your neighbor, your boss, that guy at the grocery store that bought the last bottle of Billy's BBQ sauce.  There is absolutely no reason, though, for these people to go by the nom de guerre of "some people."  Who said it?  Did AEG say that?  Was there a focus group?  With these simple fill-in-the-blanks, Sly, I wouldn't have to blog about how I think you are full of shit, were fed some shit, or a little from Column A and B.  Glendale is losing money on the Coyotes because it's turned into the bad investment for the city, not an owner.  Kansas City does not own the Coyotes, nor would they under the agreement that AEG owns any NBA or NHL franchises at Sprint.  Thus, Sly James, we require more information from you.

That point, for all intents and purpose, is what's at issue.  What does Sly gain from not disclosing these people?  Just tell us who you talked to and what they said.  If your neighbor made up a chart and Power Point presentation that said the city would lose money by acquiring the Coyotes, then fine.  We know the qualified source to direct our questions.

Anyway...

What else...?  Oh yes.

James goes on to say (bold mine):

“We were told, you should continue to look for a team, you’re in a good enough situation, where you have an arena that is working,” James said. “It’s not like we’re desperate or have an arena that is dark and not making money. You don’t have to jump at a deal just because something is out there.”According to Pollstar Magazine’s annual report, Sprint Center was the sixth-busiest arena in the United States in 2012 and No. 22 in the world. Even without an anchor tenant, Sprint Center provided $1.85 million to the city in 2012 through its profit-sharing agreement.

 This is true, and so financially responsible of him.  At issue are the promises made when the Arena opened.  Those promises are seven years and counting.  People get impatient.  And Sprint's not going to be around forever.

Kemper Arena lived to be about thirty before it was absolutely not profitable anymore.  If Kansas City acquires a team TODAY, they could have a lease at Sprint similar to the Chiefs and Royals at the Truman Sports Complex: 25 years (for a frame of reference, Glendale wants a 15-year lease on a nine year old arena).  Of course, any team may not sign that kind of a lease, but who knows how much longer Sprint will be around, or profitable.  The city has to understand people get impatient about a pro sports franchise moving into Sprint because its not "new" anymore.  There are new arenas going up across North America that can attract a franchise – or owner – better than Kansas City can (Seattle, Quebec City, etc.).  Technically before Sprint, Kansas City had an available arena since 1976.  The window closes a little everyday.

But, we're being too nice to Mayor Sly.  Here's where he tells a blatant lie (bold mine, again):

Of course, the other part of the equation to bring a team to Kansas City is identifying ownership. Both the new Phoenix group and prospective Seattle group are from out of the area and if AEG — which operates the Sprint Center — has an ownership group waiting in the wings for Kansas City, it is not saying.
“I’m not aware of a group,” James said. “That was part of the early discussion, whether there was a group that could step up … my understanding was there was not a group.

My mistake.  He might have actually told the lie a year ago around this time:

"I'd say, if anything, we're closer on the hockey front than we are the basketball front.  There's a cohesive hockey interested group."

Later, Sly makes it clear on his Twitter account that "Nothing even close" to a deal exists but then WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?  Anyway, the point is who knows what we can believe.  There has probably never been a "cohesive hockey interested group," and that's fine, because Sly didn't necessarily mislead us, because he totally didn't say that (even though he did).  Again, he's not at fault.  We all are, for assuming that the minds behind downtown revitalization of the mid-2000s had a professional sports team in mind.

Personally, I'd love to have an NHL team in Kansas City.  But, honestly, I could give a shit less if I felt like the mayor or AEG would give us the actual financial risks of why we can't pursue the Coyotes, and quit acting like Sprint Center is some Mecca of entertainment that's evolved past the need to host the competitive gladiator events of the dirty proletariat.  Madison Square Garden and Staples Center are Meccas of entertainment, and they do just fine hosting multiple professional sports teams plus events.  The Sprint Center is a nice arena in the middle of America with a good event booker.  That's it.  But what happens when Sprint Center gets older, and can't support those great musical acts?  What happens when we are back where we started, when those acts bypassed KC to go to Omaha, and St. Louis, and OKC, and Des Moines?  Where is the staying power for Sprint?  Does the downtown revitalization stall in five years when Sprint is twelve years old and not considered "modern" anymore.  Then what?

Oh, and to his credit James does get something unequivocally right in that article: Kansas City does not have a potential hockey ownership group.  At all.  None.  And that's all he really needed to say anyway.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/06/20/4304493/mayor-says-luring-nhls-coyotes.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/06/20/4304493/mayor-says-luring-nhls-coyotes.html#storylink=cpy

Mayor says luring NHL’s Coyotes would have been bad business deal for Kansas City

(editor's note: this story originally appeared in the Kansas City Star on June 20th.  It is posted here in its entirety for posterity's sake, because The Star's online articles tend to disappear quickly.  This article is not written by anyone associated with Lost City of Bettman.)

June 20

BY RANDY COVITZ

The Kansas City Star

Whether the NHL’s Phoenix Coyotes remain in Arizona or move to Seattle, Mayor Sly James does not regret that Kansas City didn’t do more to attract the club to the Sprint Center.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/06/20/4304493/mayor-says-luring-nhls-coyotes.html#storylink=cpy

After investigating the possibility of pursuing the Coyotes — who have been losing money while under NHL ownership since 2009 — James was convinced the franchise would have been a bad business deal for Kansas City.

“Several months back, even before that, we put out some feelers and talked to some people we trusted who knew what the situation was … the availability, the costs …” James told The Star on Thursday, “and the basic information was (the Coyotes) need a lot of money from the city in one form or the other. They said, it’s not a great deal for you, like you might hope.

“The question was, ‘What would it take?’ The answer was, ‘A whole hell of a lot. It might take you from a (profit) to a negative.’ It wasn’t something recommended to be done.”

Renaissance Sports Entertainment, a group out of Canada which has been approved to buy the Coyotes from the NHL, is seeking a reported $15 million a year from the Phoenix suburb of Glendale, Ariz., to operate the Jobing.com Arena. Glendale has budgeted $6.5 million per year, according to the Arizona Republic, and if the two sides don’t come to an agreement by July 2, the Coyotes could be sold to interests in Seattle, where the team would play at Key Arena until a new facility was built.

Handing over a multi-million dollar subsidy to the new owners is simply too much, said James, considering the Sprint Center is turning a profit each year for the city. According to the mayor’s office, Kansas City has received nearly $8 million in profit-sharing payments in the Sprint Center’s first five years of operation.

“We were told, you should continue to look for a team, you’re in a good enough situation, where you have an arena that is working,” James said. “It’s not like we’re desperate or have an arena that is dark and not making money. You don’t have to jump at a deal just because something is out there.”

According to Pollstar Magazine’s annual report, Sprint Center was the sixth-busiest arena in the United States in 2012 and No. 22 in the world. Even without an anchor tenant, Sprint Center provided $1.85 million to the city in 2012 through its profit-sharing agreement.

Still, the mayor is not giving up on bringing an NHL or NBA franchise to Kansas City.

“Our position is, if there is a good deal out there, that makes sense, then, yeah, let’s take a serious look at it,” James said. “But if it’s going to be something that is more risk than we possibly want to take on, let’s not do that. Right now, we don’t have an offer, there’s nothing out there.”

Of course, the other part of the equation to bring a team to Kansas City is identifying ownership. Both the new Phoenix group and prospective Seattle group are from out of the area and if AEG — which operates the Sprint Center — has an ownership group waiting in the wings for Kansas City, it is not saying.

“I’m not aware of a group,” James said. “That was part of the early discussion, whether there was a group that could step up … my understanding was there was not a group.

“Doesn’t it seem like if we really want to get in the game, we need some people here who have some money who are willing to get in the game?”

Los Angeles-based AEG has undergone a change in leadership in recent months with Dan Beckerman taking over as president and chief executive officer in place of Tim Leiweke, who now runs the company that owns the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Raptors and Toronto FC.

Repeated attempts to reach Beckerman have been unsuccessful, so it is unknown whether AEG — which owns the NHL’s Los Angeles Kings — has an interest in identifying a buyer for the Coyotes if they fail to reach an agreement with Glendale or Seattle.

“We are continuing to follow the lead of the NHL, so we are unable to comment regarding specifics as it relates to the Phoenix deal,” said Shani Tate, the Sprint Center’s director of communications and marketing.

The NHL Board of Governors is scheduled to meet on June 27 and hoped to approve the sale of the Coyotes. The league has yet to release its 2013-14 schedule, and it reportedly has several versions, depending on where the Coyotes are playing.

Sprint Center does not have an NHL preseason game scheduled for this fall, though Tate said that has nothing to do with the Coyotes’ situation. She did say, however, that if the opportunity were to arise, the facility can work with the NHL on scheduling needs.

“We are always making preparations, whether it relates to scheduling and making sure we are involved in the necessary conversations,” Tate said. “However, it needs to be the most responsible thing and making sure our partners at the city are also involved. We are paying close attention to the situation in Phoenix.”

Kansas City’s reluctance to underwrite the cost of the Coyotes or any NHL or NBA franchise could preclude any franchise from moving to the Sprint Center, because most clubs will demand shares of revenue from suites, concessions, parking, signage, sponsorships and other amenities.

AEG offered the Pittsburgh Penguins a favorable lease before the arena even opened in 2007, only to see the team leverage that deal for a new arena in Pittsburgh. James agrees that most clubs would want a favorable lease as well. But not all situations are the same. There’s only one Sidney Crosby.

“Let me ask you this,” James said. “Which would you rather have, the Pittsburgh Penguins or the Phoenix Coyotes? Who do you think would make more money for the city in the long run?”

A Lockout Poem, by Flubber McGee-Neruda

"Leaning Into the Crack of Dawn"

Leaning into the butt crack of dawn I cast my sad nets
towards your oceanic eyes.

There in the highest blaze my solitude lengthens and flames,
its arms turning like a drowning man's.

I send out red signals across your absent eyes
that move like the sea near a lighthouse.

You keep only darkness, my distant Scot Beckenbaugh
from your regard sometimes the coast of dread emerges.

Leaning into the Sunday morning I fling my sad nets
to that sea that beats on your marine eyes.

The birds of night peck at the first stars
that flash like my soul when I love you.

The night gallops on its shadowy mare
shedding blue tassels over the land.

Gary Bettman is a dick isn't he

I bet you called him a dick to his face.

I love you Scot Beckenbaugh.  Thanks.

My Announcer Could Beat Up Your Announcer

Bob Miller, Stanley Cup Champion

In case you need a delightful hockey tale about the "good ol' days" in your life right now, here you have it (link below).

Bob Miller, the play-by-play announcer of the Los Angeles Kings' since 1973, wrote a story a few weeks ago over at the LA Kings Insider site about a trip the Kings made to face the Scouts at Kemper Arena.  It's a delightful tale of the Scouts losing, but also has everything you want in a story about Kansas City: people throwing crap on a playing surface, lazy security guards, imposing jerks, and empty threats.

Anyway, it's a good story, if for no other reason because there are few people out there with a Scouts story.  By the way, both the Kings and Scouts played in something called the NHL, which I'm told is a former North American pro hockey league.

LA Kings Insider – There Used to be an Arena - Kemper Arena

Something Called the NHL Cancels Entire Preseason

Sprint Center remains empty...

ICE BREAKER TOURNAMENT OCTOBER 12-13 AT THE SPRINT CENTER!!!! COLLEGE HOCKEY DOESN'T LOCKOUT!

Seattle Still Not Getting An NHL Team, Media Hangs On To Every Word Willy Wonka Says

lol labor disputes
Via ABC News, AP Photo/ The Seattle Times,  John Lok

Insert something thoughtful about the Oilers-to-Seattle mess currently in the news here. 

It's all already been said.  It was said way before it was even officially said.  Oilers to Seattle: not going to happen.  Any team, at this present moment, and over the course of the next two years, to Seattle: not going to happen.  Very few people in the media understand this, apparently, or just need something to write about.  PucKChaser gets it.  I'm sure a good chunk of you Kansas Citians out there get it.

Why is this so hard to understand?

As similar as Seattle's situation with the Oilers is to KC's situation with the Penguins was, they differ in one major regard.  The Sprint Center wanted (still wants...?) a tenant, any tenant.  NBA, NHL, the exclusive home of Grave Digger.  Anything.  Seattle just wants the NBA.  After the Sonics/Thunder divorced Seattle, Seattle has been trying to get back a team that kind of looks like the Sonics, but without the bitchy in-laws, and maybe a little more blonde than brunette this time.  They also would prefer nice teeth, but it's certainly not a deal breaker.  An NHL team – after an NBA team, mind you – would be bully for them.  Certainly not enough to build an arena around, though, not matter how much potential she has or how many rings she owns.

This is all I can say to Daryl Katz – owner of the Oilers and the least impressive Martin Short rug I have ever seen: At least make sure the city you are using as leverage actually wants a hockey team before you indeed use them as leverage.

There are some smart thinkers in the ranks of the owners, boy howdy.  Theorists, really.

Since it doesn't get much more black and white as that,  here is one of my early forays into .gif making.  It's Dave Tippett swearing after an LA Kings goal in the Western Conference final.  Because it's never not funny to capture someone swearing on live television:

Also, check out that Grave Digger link.  Lesson number one out there for all you kids thinking about becoming a blogger: there is never a bad time to link to YouTube videos of Grave Digger within a blog post.

True story, I actually went to see Monster Jam or whatever the hell they call it at Kemper about eight years ago, and I was so stoked for the Grave Digger portion of the show which was the finale or something, and the damn thing came out for thirty seconds, hit a ramp wrong, and flipped over.  Sure, it was awesome, but not as awesome as it could have been.

Glendale Episode MMLXVII: A New Hope

The City of Glendale extended the arena management agreement with the NHL from now until infinity.  Have you ever been to the fourth dimension?  The city of Glendale has.  And it made an agreement with the NHL there too, so don't you try taking their arena away.

The Phoenix Coyotes exist within the Matrix.  Remember, always take the red pill.

ICYMI: Tickets Selling For Preseason Game Despite Lockout Worries, McGannon Hopeful for KC-Friendly CBA

What was the deal with the bow?

An article early last week in the Kansas City Business Journal took a look into ticket sales for October's preseason game at the Sprint Center.  And, hey, sales are good despite the looming storm clouds of a lockout.  Sooo, bully for that!

Of course, NHL21's own Paul McGannon was interviewed on the issue, and the most surprising thing about that is NHL21 still apparently exists despite not really still existing.  You may remember early this summer the formation of KCIce, spearheaded by McGannon and former KC Blade Ken Morrow, McGannon's foray into youth ice sports and ice rink management.  Perhaps NHL21 still does exist, it's just McGannon with a plaque above his bathroom door (or whatever) that says NHL21.  Anyway, he had something to say about the new CBA, and let me tell you, he's siding with the players on this one:

“We’re hopeful that the new collective bargaining agreement will be Kansas City-friendly, meaning we’d like to see some revenue sharing in there, like baseball and football, that would help a city like ours flourish in the NHL,” McGannon said.

Kansas City friendly?  Well, that depends on the owner.  David Glass takes the MLB's shared revenue and does with it what he pleases.  And Clark Hunt benefits as much as any other NFL owner in the league, but, again, that money does not have to go towards team salaries or stadium repairs, etc.  Obviously.

But, to be fair to the situation, McGannon is referring to the desire of the players and poorer owners to have revenue sharing – along with the current hard salary cap.  This, in turn, would disperse a portion of all league revenues to every team, instead of allowing the rich to get richer.  Sure, this would be great for a small market like Kansas City...if there were a team.  What McGannon is implying is that he hopes to see an NHL team in KC over the course of (let's say) the next six to eight years – the likely duration of a CBA.  And why shouldn't he?  As little influence as he may have over NHL ownership in Kansas City (which should be pretty obvious by now), he, like us all, expected to have a team shortly after the construction of the Sprint Center.

Is a team in the next six years realistic?  Well, the Coyotes are in an odd position with Greg Jamison right now as he keeps gaining and losing possible investors.  Plus, there is no guarantee that things will go smoothly with new ownership in Glendale.  A franchise like New Jersey is financially struggling.  Florida is always in a bad place because they are Florida.  There is always talk of expansion, but there's just as much talk of contraction.  Anything is possible, but it's not like McGannon is doing much to help the situation.  So, really, he's just like the rest of us.  Hopeful.  For now, let's just hope we have a preseason game to go to this season and just go from there.

So don't be afraid to buy tickets, because you will get a refund anyway.

Stop Asking Henrik Lundqvist Frivolous Questions

The other day the New York Rangers twitter folks did a Twitter Tuesday question and answer thingy with All-Star goalie Henrik Lundqvist.  Basically, you tweet a question to the @thenyrangers account with the hashtag #askhank and Henrik makes a video responding to your question.  Simple enough, right?

Nope.  People had to go ask outdated questions about nothing.  Good job, people!  As you can see in the photo above, someone asked Hank his favorite Blink 182 song.  Yep, that Blink 182.  It doesn't really matter if he listens to Blink 182 before games or whatever the hell he does concerning Blink 182 because, seriously, that's the best question you have?

Anyway, I have no idea what he responded because the accompanying video was deleted for reasons undetermined.  Oh well.  Let's all just assume it was some popular song like All the Small Things (because he's a pro athlete...what else would it be?), or something obscure to show his zany hipster side.  Really, who cares.  Let this be a lesson that you should never rely on people to do anything.  That's exactly what this teaches us.

And that's the point, because, in contrast, the Sprint Center's official twitter account (@sprintcenter) went out of its way to ask Hank – the guy who will probably-maybe-hopefully-okay-definitely-not be playing an exhibition game in this city in October, and coming here for the first time in his life – if he has ever had world famous KC style barbecue.  Alas, Hank and the Rangers shrugged off this pressing question for some crap about a '90s punk rock band – who is fine in their own right, don't get me wrong.  Good show, Rangers.  That's strike one.  First to three loses out on my affection for that one cool night in October (psst...that's supposed to make you sad and beg for my forgiveness because you wouldn't like the Internet when it's angry...).

Page-by-Page Breakdown of the NHL's 76,000 Page Financial Report

Via Kevin Westgarth on Twitter @KWesty19

If you haven't heard, the NHL turned over a 76,000(!) page financial report to the NHLPA earlier this week. It's easy to speculate what actually went into the report, but then again, the NHLPA's Donald Fehr said this is just part of the financial information the players' association requested. It is the hope that with this information, the NHLPA will be able to form a counter-proposal to the NHL's proposal early in July.

Well, lucky for you, I called around, and asked nicely, and did some things I'm not proud of, and I have obtained a copy of that report. You can see the page-by-page breakdown after the jump. Are you ready? Prepare to set your mind to blown.

Page 1: Title page

Pages 2-4: Copyright pages

Pages 5-120: Table of contents

Pages 121-509: A very special message from Gary Bettman

Pages 510-903: Introduction by Scott Howson

Pages 904-1,102: The definition of "labor", as described by William H. Sylvis, leader of the National Labor Union of 1866-1873.

Page 1,103: Another title page

Pages 1,104-1,672: Rundown of basic league financials

Pages 1,673-2,109: Charts and graphs

Pages 2,110-2,459: Breakdown of expenses of last six years, team by team.

Pages 2,460-2,598: A chapter simply titled "The Coyotes".

Pages 2,599-3,978: Important stuff

Pages 3,979-6,003: Eh...I don't know, I just skimmed over this stuff.

Pages 6,004-6,201: Expense report on food purchased and consumed by Kyle Wellwood each year of his career (because, you see, he is fat. Harf harf harf).

Pages 6,202-6,204: Some hidden insults about Donald Fehr's mother.

Pages 6,205-6,509: Sidney Crosby's concussion hospital costs.

Pages 6,510-6,608: Report on money – including ad revenue – lost by the league due to Crosby's injury.

Pages 6,609-7,000: Expense report on the construction of a bionic brain and its placement in Crosby's skull.

Pages 7,001-8,489: Charts and graphs of ad revenue

Page 8,490: Cost to cut down the Dustin Penner National Forest (also known as his playoff beard).

Pages 8,491-8,879: Something about Hockey Related Revenue. I don't know...it gets awful preachy.

Pages 8,880-10,012: Blank pages

Pages 10,013-13,003: Copies of senior NHL administrators dinner receipts from company meetings. Expensive dinner receipts.

Pages 13,004-13,503: Advertisement section and listing of bands coming to Toronto

Page 13,504: Full page ad congratulating the Los Angeles Kings on winning the Stanley Cup! WOO!

Pages 13,505-13,903: A plea from New York Islanders' owner Charles Wang titled, "Please Play for Less Money or I'll Move You to Kansas City."

Pages 13,904-15,549: Pages appear to be torn out by Bigfoot.

Pages 15,550-15,979: The NHL's stance on contract structuring.

Pages 15,980-17,150: The entire text of Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, used as a metaphor to explain the crux of the NHL's issue with front-loaded contracts.

Pages 17,151-17,670: Conclusion of contract structure stance.

Pages 17,671-19,101: Flip book of Bill Daly's butt on a copier.

Pages 19,102-21,993: Blank pages

Pages 21,994-22,302: NHL's agreement with NBC to tape-delay NHL games starting in 2012-13 since tape-delay's use has been so positive with the public during the Olympics

Pages 22,303-22,304: Magic Eye photo that if you squint real hard you can see a penguin

Pages 22,305-22,909: Expense report on getting Will Ferrell to show up at the Hockey Hall of Fame (he's not cheap, folks)

Pages 22,910-24,600: Report of financial damage caused to other NHL cities based on the clock stopping during Kings–Blue Jackets game.

Pages 24,601-27,309: Report on financial damage caused to City of Vancouver after successful completion of multiple conspiracies over the past twenty years (Take my word, this is an excellent read!).

Pages 27,310-27,311: Two page photo of Bettman and Darth Vader high-fiving members of the Illuminati.

Pages 27,312-46,999: Classified information

Pages 47,000-49,230: Afterword

Pages 49,231-53,789: Annotated bibliography

Pages 53,790-61,324: Index

Pages 61,343-68,009: French index

Pages 68,010-74,342: Spanish index

74,343-76,000: About the authors

Back cover: Book review from Zombie Franz Kafka

"This text has the most disorienting prose I've ever seen in a novel this size. I can't believe I didn't write it!"

Greg Jamison is a Diabolical Genius or Has No Idea What He's Doing

Via

Per Mike Sunnucks at the Phoenix Business Journal, prospective Coyotes buyer Greg Jamison may not have the funds or investors to purchase the Coyotes.  Per the NHL, and I paraphrase, "f*ck you, Mike Sunnucks."

From Phoenix Business Journal:

Several sources in Arizona familiar with the Coyotes machinations and supportive of Jamison’s bid are asking with concern why a deal hasn’t been finalized, where Jamison’s money is coming from and who his partners are.

Hanging over all of this is the fact that the $300 million Coyotes-friendly arena deal approved by the city of Glendale can’t be signed by Jamison until he buys the team.

Free agent Coyotes captain Shane Doan has given Jamison until Friday to show some significant progress or finality in buying the league-owned franchise. Otherwise, Doan will sign with another team as soon as next week, according to his agent Terry Bross. Doan has been waiting for the Coyotes’ three-year ownership saga to resolve itself.

Don't be fooled, Jamison's bid to buy the team is still happening despite the city of Glendale's best efforts to destroy itself into oblivion like the house from Poltergeist.  We will see, of course, but the demands of Shane Doan will definitely not speed the process since I don't think Jamison gives two chocolate starfishes what Shane Doan wants.  But, Coyotes fan are beginning to wonder what's up, as well, so it's not like Doan is just being a douche (this time).

One thing that has intrigued me, and apparently members of the media, is the identity of Jamison's "investors."  When asked, he nor the NHL will disclose the parties involved.  They are just people (maybe) with money.  It doesn't really matter, but then again it would be nice to have some kind of transparency or clarity and a sense that someone knows what the hell they are doing in all of this mess.  Sigh.....I guess we can't ask for miracles.

Anyway, I've gathered as much information available on the topic (none), so here's a list of Greg Jamison's top possible investors:

• Wayne Gretzky's brothers Brent and Keith
• Shea Weber
• Shane Doan's children – Awww you should have seen them with their little piggy banks.  Too cute.  It's a shame they'll have to starve.
• Bary Gettman
• Mike Tyson
• Owen Nolan – because what the hell else is he doing these days
• Matthew Hulsizer's left nut
• Dustin Brown's Screw You Fund
• Dan and Pam DeVos (hahaha terrible people)
• Pete Rose
• Totally not Pierre-Karl Péladeau, CEO of Québecor
• The Maloof brothers
• Charlie Sheen
• David Gla-hahahhah ahah haha I'm sorry I couldn't say it! hahahahaha haha haha

City of Glendale is...Oh I Don't Even Know Anymore

Mad Elaine: The Civil Code Warrior

Good ol' Lisa Halverstadt is at it again, updating us on the Coyotes situation and the anarchy taking place in the wholesome town of Glendale, Arizona.  Ah, Glendale, where the trees grow big and tall, and the children play freely in the streets without a care, and old people play the blues harp down at the general store.  Oh, and all of those crazy people live there too.  Sadly, that's totally important to the understanding of any Glendale/Coyotes story.

Anyway, a couple of Lisa's articles struck me funny today, so I thought I would pass them along.

First, a blog post she wrote early on Tuesday – which actually allows me to get on my soapbox again and point something out.  Reputable print newspapers that feature a free online version of their paper with the same content in the pay-to-subscribe print version such as The Arizona Republic (AZCentral), KCStar, or any other publication also have "blogs" on the same site where the same people who write "blog posts" also write news articles.  And "news people" decry the downfall of journalism due to blogging, Twitter, etc.  That's inconsistent.

Anyway, Lisa's post starts with a phrase that shouldn't exist, as far as the NHL led the public to believe (bold is mine):

Phoenix Coyotes staffers are hopeful as they prep for what could be their fourth season without a permanent owner.

Pardon me, but didn't the NHL set a loose ultimatum that essentially said the NHL would not own the team for a fourth season without assuring it's removal from the city?

Perhaps team president Mike Nealy paints a better picture of the situation.

“It’s still moving forward,” Nealy said. “It’s zigging and zagging a bit but Greg Jamison is still working toward the ultimate resolution with the public issues that are out there. At the end of the day, the league is still interested in keeping the team here.”

"Huh, oh yeah, I guess the league is still interested.  It's whatever, though.  I mean, Greg wants to buy the team and all, but, like, y'know, whatever."  This nonchalant attitude does not make a lot of sense, although, in fairness, everyone seems to be staying level-headed about the situation.  Oh, but what public issues does Mr. Nealy refer?

Well, remember when those Glendale citizens were trying to get signatures to put the Coyotes issue/tax hike to a vote.  Well, Glendale rejected the referendum, which apparently they can do, and they did, so here we go.  This led to an apparent court date in August so the city and these random people can have a forum to argue with each other over the same crap, which will inevitably lead to another court date because what the hell else do these people have to do.

From Halverstadt's most recent article on AZCentral:

Supporters of an effort to reverse Glendale's sales-tax increase must wait nearly a month to argue before a judge. 

Last week, the city rejected signatures submitted by the business group which aims to get an initiative on the November ballot. The group, Save Glendale Now, responded with a lawsuit. 

A Glendale spokeswoman confirmed Tuesday that the city and the business group won't appear before Maricopa County Superior Court Judge Sally Duncan until Aug. 14.

Once in court, Glendale will argue the 100-word summary submitted with the group's 4,138 signatures was misleading because an initiative cannot reverse the Glendale City Council's vote to increase the city sales tax by 0.7 percent.

So, although Glendale invalidated the signatures, the uncertainty stems from this court date and the fact that no official deal has actually been made, probably due to no one knowing what the hell is going on.

Another issue: the current CBA expires on September 15th, which could mean a lockout with no new agreement in place.  The good thing for Glendale is the NHL has already begun negotiations.  The bad thing, these are less "negotiations" and more a list of the NHL's demands.  Another bad thing is that the NHL's attention right now is not on Glendale, and more on playing the upcoming season (i.e. gettin' paid, yo).

Here are a few ways it could go down.

A.) the NHL does not have a lockout, but Glendale/Jamison/the NHL have to worry about random court dates and possible votes on top of other Arizona law related nonsense.
B.) the NHL locks out for some amount of time, the NHL abandons talks with Jamison for whatever reason (probably due to uncertainty).
C.) the NHL locks out for some amount of time, and does its best to rid itself of financial liabilities.  Thus, the Coyotes fold, and we have a fun dispersal draft.
D.) the NHL does not lock out, the city of Glendale actually forms something resembling a stable city government, Jamison buys the Coyotes, and the Coyotes stay in Glendale.  They also re-sign Shane Doan, because, sure why not. (Of course, this option relies on a "stable city government" which also means "a lack of self-serving politicians," which, yeah, I'll leave the political commentary to someone else...).

So, in summation, to answer the question posed the other day by our good friend PucKChaser, OH HELL NO I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE GLENDALE THAT PLACE IS WHACKED!  Or, option #4, vacationing in Europe.

Where is Kansas City or Quebec City (or even non-interested, interested city Seattle) in all of this?  Well, who knows, maybe some places just like to watch the world burn.

Also, as an aside, Lisa Halverstadt looks like Scrooge's nephew Fred's wife (Clara, apparently, played by Janet Holywell) from the Muppets Christmas Carol.  So, yeah, there you go.  Small world.

"Cohesive Hockey Interested Group" As Believable As "A Million Little Pieces"

Like Columbus? Nashville? St. Louis? What's your definition of small? (Via)

Sports talk radio.  You listen to this stuff?  I try not to, but, alas, my working environment permits it, more or less.  Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not all bad.  Sometimes they have good interviews.  Like Kansas City mayor Slyyy James on 610 Sports this morning with Bob Fescoe.  That Sly, he's real pumped about that All-Star game.

Of course, that's not important.  Oh no.  Toward the end of the interview, Slyyyy was asked about the status of an NBA or NHL team at the Sprint Center (as he should be in every interview ever until it happens).  Annnnnndddd here's what he said!

"I'd say, if anything, we're closer on the hockey front than we are the basketball front.  There's a cohesive hockey interested group."

Click here to listen to the interview (important part starts at about 14:20)

I'm unsure what part of that to not believe more.  Sure wish we had more info... great job by Fescoe following up on that lead!!!  Anyway, it doesn't matter because who knows what he is talking about.  I can't imagine he is referring to someone Paul McGannon's NHL21 has found, because he apparently has a new name and mission.  It could be the super-duper double secret international investment group vying for the Coyotes a few months ago.  Or it could be the reanimated corpse of Andrew bleeding Carnegie.  Who knows.

After the interview, Slyyy Fox clarified his comments.  He basically says the city's NHL prospects are the tallest midget, but still a midget nonetheless.  

"2b clear.  Nothing even close" – Sly James

Later on, Danny Parkins and Carrington Harrison talked about these comments on their show and gave their input (because that's what they do for a living).

Here is the extent of hockey discussion on Kansas City talk radio.

Carrington Harrison: "Whenever the NHL playoffs were going on...very few people were saying 'talk NHL.'"

Danny Parkins: "Hockey isn't wildly popular outside of Canadians" (then goes on to list wild popularity in major American cities)

These are both somewhat myopic views, only because people don't text you or call you about hockey because YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT IT.  The only personality who actually does initiate hockey talk on the radio here is Gary "G-D" Lezak and that's only over the past month and because he's an LA Kings fan (it should be noted that whenever he did this, 810's Border Patrol became visibly ill).  Hockey fans will go where they can talk about hockey.  They won't sit around and wait for you guys to talk about it.  They are smarter than that.  Hockey has as large of an online presence as any major sport.  Just look locally, there are zero KC-specific basketball blog sites, yet just look at "The Locals" section on the right side of this page for those here in the area talking about hockey.  A very, very small-scale example, but KC doesn't even have a team and people are talking about it.

The main take away here is Parkins stating his willingness to start talking hockey.  So...do it.  Interview people who want to talk about it.  Devote ten minutes of your show once a week.  Something.  It's a chicken and the egg scenario.  You don't talk about it, so people don't ask you about it.  Look, this isn't a discussion of whether Kansas City can support a team or not, just talk hockey.  We can support hockey talk.  Radio personalities don't even have to learn anything about it.  Have experts come on and talk about it.  There are hockey writers all over North America that would love to talk hockey to the Kansas City audience.  Teaching them about the players, the game.  You don't even have to LEARN THE NAMES!!!

Also, as an aside, and they touched on this, but Bill Self's opinions on anything other than Kansas basketball is like asking Eva Perón about military strategy in Norway.  NO. ONE. (SHOULD.) CARE.

"It's one hell of a Wednesday Kansas."  Okay, that's funny.

Man, I knew this post was coming, but I hate talking about sports radio.

Willie Mitchell is the Happiest Person on this Planet (or Any Other)

Do you know who Willie Mitchell is?  You should.  He's awesome.

He's also the oldest member of the Stanley Cup Champion Los Angeles Kings at age 35, and he kinda looks like Non from Superman.  He had never won the Stanley Cup until the other day.  And dammit, he is one happy sonofabitch.  Don't take my word for it, though, just look at the pictures of him with the Cup.  You will enjoy it, trust me.

So, skate on over to the new Willie Mitchell Cup Love tumblr and submit your favorite Willie Mitchell photos with the Cup!

Also, submit photos you have found to add to the collection.  It's really easy, and free too!!!

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."

After what seemed to be fifteen hours of third graders regaling the Glendale City Council with their assessment of "Hop on Pop," it ended.  The council, in a 4-2 vote, agreed to hand over the keys of Jobing.com Arena and the Phoenix Coyotes to former San Jose Sharks owner Greg Jamison, and to squeeze their taxpayers for $325 million to fund the whole mess.  It doesn't matter, though, for you see, the Goldwater Institute, the conservative watchdog group that scuttled the Matthew Hulsizer deal, isn't happy.  Nope, not one bit.

Glendale Mayor Elaine Scruggs looked so weary when giving her address before the official vote.  Her exclamation of "sometimes you don't always get what you want" came straight from the heart, an exhausted heart, and it really hit close to home.  Her 'nay' vote was merely a formality, as she knew it would be, but in the end it didn't matter.  It doesn't matter.  At all.  Because, like Elaine, we know this isn't over.  Not by a long shot.  For one, Greg Jamison has not officially been approved by the NHL (what's the deal with him not disclosing his investors?  Are they freakin' crab people?).  And, obviously, for two, the Goldwater Institute has a lot of influence for a group constantly pissed off at local governments.  They will take this to court, and it will get drawn out.  Again.  And the NHL will continue to be annoyed, again.  But do nothing about it.  And, really, it doesn't matter what happens to the Coyotes.  Not anymore.  They have become an annoyance.  They may relocate, they may not.  Who cares anymore?  Just get something done.  It won't matter in a few years when the team is still losing money and the city is still in the crapper.  It's a hockey team, not oil.  But whatever.  All I know is that I'm not watching anymore public access television for a while.

When does the Mavs season start?

Why the Stanley Cup Final Is Better Than a Wedding

Via

Ah, weddings.  Who can deny the beauty of two people coming together to share the rest of their lives with one another.  Such a great thing humanity has culturally created.  Plus, they are great social events for the family and friends invited to share in the couple's special day...in theory.  Of course, in theory, communism works.  In theory.  But, look at weddings for what they are on the outside, without all of that lovey crap (all except yours, of course); free food, free booze, free party, single chicks with heightened emotional sensitivity, single (and not-single) dudes wading in a pool of their own testosterone...Look, I don't need to recap an entire movie plot for you.  Is this what we've become as a society?


Look, don't get the wrong idea.  This isn't a loosely veiled attempt to bash weddings and dictate a set of crazy beliefs (although, for more wacky, harebrained opinions you can look up my article "The Myth of Counter-Culture, and Why Non-Conformity Will Kill You" in the Paris Review).  A wedding is better than, say, a root canal, because of the obvious, but also because of the potential to find a good bartender (or bartendress) to whip you up something good and strong so you can dance your little heart out to the Cha-Cha Slide or other such crap (more on this later).  Oh, and because of the whole love angle, I guess.

Anyway, the point is weddings are more or less boring unless you are in them, in which case you expend an awful lot of energy to avoid falling down or lighting yourself on fire so the wedding is remembered as the "couple's special day" and not "heh, remember that idiot that fell down/ lit himself on fire."  It's exhausting, and the worst part is you can't watch sports.  It's a part of your weekend where you cannot take the form of a lazy slug.  Look, I know a guy who spent an entire wedding watching a gamecast of a soccer game on his phone while reacting loudly whenever something happened.  The problem is, you can't do this while at a wedding, unless you are a total asshole, in which case you probably aren't reading this anyway because you never learned how to read (I heart you, you wonderful, literate readers of mine! ;)  ).

Wedding receptions are my main source of umbrage today, though.  Sure, wedding receptions can be fun, and you can get drunk, and you can dance without inhibition or care, and you can hit on everything that moves.  They can also be a chance for deranged and/or awkward white people to dance around and make fools of themselves in front of other awkward white people.  Also, you might not get drunk, or the only attractive person there is you – I have this problem all the time anyway – and you really just have to be social out of respect to the also-rans.  Much more on all of this later, though.

When you get down to it, weddings are terrible.  Not the institution of marriage (well, sometimes...) but the whole shebang and hoopla.  This may be an unpopular stance, and to that I say "consider me unpopular."  Don't get me wrong, weddings of close friends or relatives are great, mainly because you don't have to know anyone but the bride or groom, so that gives you free-reign to act like a drunk asshole or socially aggressive creep and no one can call you on it because you are wearing a nice tux or dress, which gives you super powers or something.  But don't let that fool you into thinking you would rather do something else with your Saturday (or whenever), specifically something like watching the Stanley Cup Finals.

Oh, you caught me.  YES, this is about hockey!  Hold on, and you will see my point.  Here are four reasons why watching the Stanley Cup Finals with friends and/or relatives is better than attending a wedding and wedding reception.

1. The Social Aspect

Weddings are social events, no doubt, and if you know a lot of people you can find yourself trying to budget time to talk to everyone you want during the entirety of the wedding event(s).  So, that's good.  If you don't know a lot of people, well, weddings, the reception in particular, can get kind of boring.  Take this for example:  My immediate family are close friends with other families that have had many of their children get married recently.  This means my mom and myself (and whoever else) get placed at a table with individuals we have never met before.  One person actually worked with the father of the groom ten years ago.  What the hell is that?  Sure, don't seat us at a table with people we know who also have to sit with people they don't know.  Anyway, Mama Flub is a great conversationalist, but she ends up by herself when I'm either a.) antisocial or b.) looking for someone I know to talk to.  That means Mama Flub gets stuck with the unenviable task of making conversation with complete strangers.  Now, I know what you are saying: "oh, don't be a putz.  Meeting new people is great," and to that I say:

That, of course, is the bad.  Later, we will get in-depth into that moment when you realize you are the only "single and ready to mingle" person at the dinner.

On the flip-side, while at a bar or wherever watching an SCF game, you can choose to be social if you wish.  If you are around the right kind of people, watching the game can be a blast.  Or, if you are with friends, you are already in good company that isn't going to walk away to slow dance to "I Know This Much Is True" and make goo-goo eyes with their significant other who you hate for a reason that does not bear repeating.

Advantage: Watching the Stanley Cup Finals

2. The Drink Selection

You always run the risk of attending a reception without an open bar.  Instead you get an open bar for an hour, or the always dreaded pay bar.  I have been in too many of those situations.  There is no way I can drink enough in an hour at 6pm to get me through the rest of the night.  Of course, finding a great bartender is sometimes tricky, but if you do, then it's totally worth getting loaded on your own dime.

If you do in fact stumble upon an open bar, well, nothing beats that.  Really, that's free bar privileges and no one can take that away from you.  Drink up and enjoy.  You've earned it.

Watching the SCF has the same advantages and disadvantages of any other night in a bar.  The bartenders typically know what they are doing, and you have to watch your tab.  Also, this means someone has to drive, so you can't get too crazy.  BUT you can watch the Finals while kicking back a few Guinness-es.  Really, that's all that matters.

Advantage: Push, but only in the event of an open bar.  Anything else leans towards watching the SCF in a bar.

3. Attractive People


Women have a thing for well-dressed men, and men have this thing about emotionally-charged women in low-cut dresses.  It's science, people.

Again, little can top a wedding with a wealth of attractive "dressed to impress" twenty-somethings with alcohol in them.  It's not even fair.  Of course, again, watch the first thirty minutes of Wedding Crashers for a full explanation.

The caveat, of course, is when the wedding reception has as many available prospects as a family reunion, or when the ravages of inbreeding rear their ugly head (and I do mean ugly).  This can be a real downer to any single, attractive young adult.

A bar scene can be just as bad for all the same reasons.  But guess what?  It doesn't matter because you are watching the Stanley Cup Freakin' Finals.  Your libido even senses a difference, and becomes sexually-attuned to hockey instead of the opposite sex (or same sex or whatever...You Can Play, etc...).  It's a wonderful thing, really, and a natural function of the body.  Plus, there are literally no side-effects (except you blog more and speak to the opposite sex less, which is odd...).

Advantage: Watching the Stanley Cup Finals


4. Food


It's either chicken, steak, or some kind of fish with a small portion of fixins on the side.  Or a buffet.  Which is fine, except you have to eat it while making conversation with strangers.  Or while trying to keep it down after four Rum and Cokes while doing "The Hustle" (jeez white people are dumb...)


If you are lucky, you are watching the SCF.  Depending on where you are, you are eating bar food.  But, there are many options to consider.
a.) make a big dinner at home with friends and fam before going to watch the game
b.) go to a nice restaurant before settling at a bar
c.) eat food from a street vendor to get the feel of being outside of the arena before a game

You can choose your own adventure, and as an American you should have that freedom, dammit.

Advantage:  Watching the Stanley Cup Finals

In summary: 

Weddings and wedding receptions are fine, except when there are important sporting events on and except when the bride and groom go cheap and/or don't invite a lot of cool people or there isn't an open bar or it's either chicken or salmon.  So, it's no wonder that it's a no-contest when posed with the option of either Going To A Wedding or Watching the Stanley Cup Finals With Friends/Family.  

That being said, I hope the hotel where this wedding reception is tonight has a bar...

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