The Blue Line's New Hockey Commercial: A Step-by-Step Review

The Blue Line hockey bar in the River Market area has carved out a nice little niche.  It's never terribly crowded but seemingly always patronized (from what I've seen), the food doesn't stray from the bar staples but still good, and they have a lot of different beers on tap.  As far as bars go around town, it's a quiet place to just wind down or watch a game.  Oh yeah, and the hockey stuff is cool, too.  But, that's the thing: I've never gotten the sense that anyone in the bar watches hockey, and I don't care.

No one needs to go to a bar for validation that the thing they like is popular with the other people there.  Sure, there are those Steeler Nation bars around the country where Steelers fans meet up or whatever, but the Blue Line doesn't attract just a hockey crowd.  It's great that the Blue Line is a hockey bar and shows hockey games, something a lot of places around town don't do (here is where I say "Thank you!" to Nick & Jakes for their patience and willingness to show hockey when asked), but it also functions as a gathering place for the locals.  So, that's the reason you shouldn't make off-the-cuff comments about obscure hockey players in the 1990s just to show your hockey knowledge prowess to the other true hockey fans at the Blue Line.  Chances are you won't get someone coming up to saying, "Oh dude, are you talking about Wayne McBean?!  Hell yeah!" (*bro and you high five).  Thus, the ambience of the bar might expose hockey to people who don't like it, but may not specifically attract hockey fans.  And that's fine.

Anyway, they have a new TV spot that's pretty amateur, so let's make fun of it.



Please CLICK THE LINK RIGHT HERE for the video.  It's not on YouTube or anything, so, sorry. (Apparently this has been out a while, but I just saw it, so whatever.)

* * *
0:01-0:10 – I'm not sure the Blue Line is "famous" for anything in particular, but the food is good, and there's nothing to joke about there.  I don't know what "Blue Line Brew" is, but they say it's locally crafted.  It kind of looks like Hamms.

0:11– "If you drink enough at the Blue Line, your reaction time will resemble that of Dan Cloutier."

0:12– That is either a beer league hockey jersey, or someone is making counterfeit Michigan State sweaters.

0:20 – I get the fake knocked out teeth, but, ugh, fake knocked out teeth.  This is like saying all baseball players chew tobacco, when they obviously all chew Big League Chew.

0:25– Oh, the big finale, the crescendo of the symphony of bar advertising.  This is what makes this commercial so delightfully local.  First, we see a guy in an orange shirt just chillin on the window.  Possibly checking his phone for hockey scores.  What happens next is akin to aggravated assault with numerous accessories to the crime.

Bro minding his own business is body checked by a helmeted villain, who proceeds to persistently dry hump the victim in such a perverse way that we can only assume it's sexually gratifying.  People stand up and cheer instead of help the victim.  This is not how society should work.

If we are to analyze this as a hockey scene being played out in real life, then we find even more issues.  One, bro in orange shouldn't be hanging out on the boards.  He should keep moving, and open himself up for a pass (a pass of what?).  Two, the offender clearly makes a run at his victim – twenty feet or so – which is clearly defined as Charging.

NHL Rule 42.1:

Charging shall mean the actions of a player who, as a result of distance traveled, shall violently check an opponent in any manner. A “charge” may be the result of a check into the boards, into the goal frame or in open ice.

Despite this rule's vague wording, I'd say twenty feet constitutes "distance traveled."  This is not boarding, however, because the offender does not hit high, nor is orange bro necessarily defenseless since he isn't turned away from the play.

NHL Rule 41.1:

The onus is on the player applying the check to ensure his opponent is not in a defenseless position and if so, he must avoid or minimize the contact. However, in determining wheter such contact could have been avoided, the circumstances of the check, including whether the opponent put himself in a vulnerable position immediately prior to or simultaneously with the check or whether the check was unavoidable can be considered.

Thus, the initial call is Charging.

Three, this clearly develops into a double minor penalty, as orange bro is obstructed from the flow of play.  This is perhaps Holding more than Interference, since progress is stopped instead of impeded.

NHL Rule 54.1:

Holding – Any action by a player that retards the progress of an opposing player whether or not he is in possession of the puck.

Interference refers more to obstruction while in motion, and not while pinned against the boards.

Four, all the people in the bar cheer for this violence.  We should all be ashamed of ourselves.

Greg Wyshynski: Missing the Point

A few things I want to point out about Greg Wyshynski's lack of actual reporting, and why this gives bloggers something of a bad name among those in the dying, though somewhat still prestigious, mainstream print media.  Don't get me wrong, Greg has some fine articles from time to time, and I'm not debating his success as a sports writer/blogger.  I enjoy his site, and I think it's a great place to discover the hundreds of thousands of hockey blogs around the world.  Perhaps you discovered this blog from his site.  But I have to disagree with him on something, just like I've disagreed with him here, here, and here.

Here is the story is question.  Please read it first:

LA Kings fans boo injured rookie Avalanche goalie (Video)

First, here are a few things to keep in mind:

*Greg reaches a large audience with his blog.  This gives him influence among the casual hockey fan blog reader, whether he likes it or not.  What he writes resonates with a community of unique-minded individuals.

*Greg – I don't believe but someone can prove me wrong – does not profess to be a journalist, and is not held to the same Journalistic criteria as those members of the print and broadcast media.  He is a blogger, albeit one of the lucky few who get paid to talk about something they love for a living.

Okay, please jump for the Twitter log of Greg's realization and further understanding of the events as they unfold.  One more thing to keep in mind is that Greg has already written and published his Puck Daddy article at this time.

Greg begins by patronizing a few Kings fans that call him on his quick assessment of the Kings fans booing while a player is injured.  Questioning how Kings fans could know that Giguere would replace the injured goaltender – keep in mind, Giguere is the backup to the once healthy, now injured goaltender – seems a bit disrespectful, does it not?  How are Kings fans to know the goalie will be replaced, although the goalie is, you know, hurt.  Gann Matsuda, a respected Kings blogger – and member of the Staples Center press corps – quickly proves why Greg's statement has little to do with simple goalie changes.  Giguere – an ex-Anaheim Duck, the LA Kings hated rival – is shown on the scoreboard perhaps eliciting a negative reaction from Kings fans who still remember his glory days in Anaheim.  Greg "pops" that into his already written blog post, thus adding an eye witness account and expert testimony to a post he presumably had enough facts to write to begin with.  Remember that when you read it.  Gann then shows this is not just his opinion, but the majority opinion of members of the LA press corps (yes, a biased press corps, but one with knowledge of the situation).

Gann does much to refute the beliefs of Dave Nash, while Greg sticks to his "it wasn't just Giguere they were booing" story without really saying what he believes the Kings fans were indeed booing.

It's at this point we learn Dave Nash is an idiot.  The official Twitter feed of the LA Kings mascot, Bailey, chimes in on another theory of why the fans may have been booing...for what it's worth.  Greg claims that it's just "impossible" to tell who or what the fans were booing without knowing when Giguere appeared on the video board, despite having already written a post on the event.

All of that said, this happens well after the post was originally published.  Gann's input was added later.  Thus, Greg had a need to show the hockey world that the LA Kings were booing while a goalie was injured, though he admits after the fact that many factors could have contributed to why Kings were booing.

Greg makes two big mistakes in publishing this post.  First, the obvious:  He uses random people on Twitter as a source.  It's easy for random Twitter users to use the common Internet tactic of hiding behind their keyboard, thus giving them the power to say whatever they feel.  We know that; we've all been there.  Timothy Burke of Deadspin made this mistake during President Obama's nationally televised speech concerning Sandy Hook that just so happened to occur during NBC's coverage of Sunday Night Football.  It's easy to go on Twitter to find people saying the nastiest, meanest shit in the world at any given time, so I imagine it's easy to find people who need little reason to hate an opposing fan base at any given time.  People hate the Kings – lo, every professional sports franchise – nearly every day publicly on Twitter.  Likewise, if you ever need validation that carrots are great, cite this Twitter account.  This does not necessarily justify an opinion, though, because anonymous Twitter users can be anybody.  They can even be fake.

The second mistake, of course, is that Greg never actually comes out and condemns Kings fans, although this is what people assume to be the point of his article.  "Kings fans boo injured goalie" is the headline, thus the article is about Kings fans actively booing the injury of a person.  The object verbs the subject.  It could easily have read "Group of people react poorly to bad thing."  Insert "human trauma" for "bad thing" and now you add the human element, the true essence of the story.  You should show restraint, run for help, get a doctor, grab some bandages, call the injured man's next of kin – anything but boo and jeer his mangled form.

This isn't tactful journalism by Greg – the reporting of facts as they come in – nor is it a complete lambasting of a group of people.  He just says "Thing Happened," and only gives reactions of Kings detractors "fillet(ing)" the Kings on Twitter.  Nowhere does Greg say, "Kings fans suck," or, "The Kings need to connect with their fans."  One can assume he means this through his Twitter interactions, but that's just an assumption.  It's just that this thing occurred, so what do you think about it?  It's a mess of gray area and hypotheticals.  Perhaps we are supposed to feel something, or have an opinion, but we never know why.  I say this with the belief that 18,000 fans weren't booing an injured goalie.  But we wouldn't know that – or know what else they could possibly be booing – from reading this article.

So, that's leaves us with one question: What's the point?  Why write it if you 1) obviously don't have all of the facts from multiple witnesses or 2) don't have an apparent opinion conveyed within the story.  You have people on Twitter as your source, not reputable people attending the game (which you wouldn't add until later, in a sense giving a dissenting voice to an article not originally written to be a debate), just random people.  You are the Mant'i Teo of hockey bloggers, in this case.

Why does this bother me?  Well, for one, there are too many examples of poor "capital J" Journalism in the American media.  Everyone is a critic (this post included), but it goes back to the base of readers Greg reaches.  What is this telling his readers, and why is it informative?  Why write it?  What is he trying to draw from it.  People hating the Kings on Twitter is nothing new.  Neither is the act of booing at a sport event, or an opposing team or player for that matter.

Also, and yes, I am a Kings fan.  And if Kings fans were booing an injured player, that sucks.  But guess what, how does that change anything?  Will they kick people out of the arena?  Does this make LA a city of sin and debauchery?  In what way does this reflect on the Kings organization?  A few months ago Chiefs fans were believed to be cheering an injury.  So now if fans have any reaction to anything this reflects poorly on anyone other than the people making those decisions.  Will you travel to Los Angeles and  walk around, viewing the citizens as Imps from Doom, as if you are living in a post-Apocalyptic hellscape?  No.  Unless you are an idiot.  

We point out the follies in other teams players – and subsequently the fans of other team's players – because they don't stand for what we stand for.  Thus, bad fans justify your beliefs of a bad team.  Boo bad team, boo.  I hate the Ducks for no other reason other than they are a "rival."  I don't really hate the Ducks, though, which is where there is typically a misconception.  In reality, sports are just a fucking game.  But some people have a difficult time separating themselves from that middle ground, or gray area, of sports fandom and regular lifedom.  For Kings fans, Corey Perry is a dick, but so is your neighbor across the street.  But if you are a normal person, you would still give Corey advice on the right fertilizer to use on his lawn.

That's just my opinion, though.

On the Houston Aeros Departure

A part of hockey history will go away at the end of this season.  The Minnesota Wild will move their AHL affiliate, currently the Houston Aeros, to Des Moines to presumably be closer to the NHL club.  Here at LCOB we find this disappointing for a few reasons because we share a special attachment, even kinship, to the Houston Aeros.

Houston, like Kansas City, is not what you would call a "hockey hotbed."  What it makes up for in being three times bigger in population than the KC Metro, it loses points in location.  Sure, Dallas has seen it's share of successful years with an NHL club, but cities like Atlanta, Phoenix, and at times Miami have not.  Houston, like Kansas City, used to be on the shortlist of cities vying for an NHL team before we all learned how ludicrous it was to field another franchise south of the Mason-Dixon parallel, before the advent of your Seattles, Hamiltons, Winnipegs, and Torontos X 2.  Who would be crazy/bold enough to buy a team from an ice-centric sport and plop them smack on the Gulf Coast.  Houston, for lack of readily available research and a Gary Bettman interview, is not an NHL city.  But for no reason of its own.


Like Kansas City, Houston doesn't fit the demographic.  Who wants to move a team to this city, and why?  How will an NHL team turn a profit in these cities?  KC and Houston share these questions, as the hockey universe uses both as their troll jumping off point in regards to another American franchise.  With thought out quips about the lack of hockey fans in the city, to imaginative yarns of games played before uninhabited arenas, and the lack of understanding or knowledge among the locals of the scientific properties of frozen liquid, it should be easy to see why the NHL would, and should, never consider these cities for hockey, let alone life itself.  A plot so tired and passé that it takes everything in your power not to point out that the entire province of Manitoba has less inhabitants than the urban statistical area of Kansas City and that there is a good chance there are still more hockey fans in Omaha, Des Moines, Mid-Missouri, Wichita, Topeka and the entire Kansas City region combined (i.e. colloquially known as the "Chiefs Kingdom" supporting another single franchise*) than total Manitobans, for arguing with a fool makes one a fool themselves.

We share this pain, because it's easy to point out the flaws.  I do it regularly.  No Gretzky didn't grow up in either of these cities.  They don't play pond hockey in Houston, and if they play it here no one has told me.  But there is historical significance of the sport to fans in both cities.  Kansas City folks enjoy their hockey, as the Mavs hope to break the tenuous presence of the sport in the city.  Houston folks, obviously, enjoy their hockey.  See for yourself.  The Aeros rank near the top of the league in attendance, hovering around the 6,000 fan average per game mark, since 2006.  Plus, the Aeros have given their fans twenty years of uninterrupted hockey, one Turner Cup, and one Calder Cup during that time.  What's not to love?

Honestly, I have never met a Houston hockey fan personally, but like I said, there's a kinship between us tweener hockey cities.  Houston had what Kansas City hockey fans want, and that's a consistent hockey presence in the city's sports landscape.  The Outlaws didn't fill that void, mainly because no one knew they existed.  And as much as I hate to admit it, the Blades struggled to do so, as well.  But, the death of the Blades was like a slap in the face to those diehard hockey fans in KC.  Ten years, down the drain.  Just like the Scouts, just like Blues, just like all the rest.  And now the Houston faithful feel, after twenty years of loyal patronage, some asshole is going to yank away a part of their identity.  That's just business, baby.  Twenty years is just the price of doing business in the modern sports landscape.  Now the next step in the grieving process: uncertainty.  What's next for Houston hockey fans?

I wanted to get whimsical and liken the loss of the Aeros to the loss of a grandparent or older acquaintance, someone you knew, and now they are gone, and that part of your family legacy goes away with it.  Or something.  But that's not really the point.  Personally, for me, the Aeros are one of the few reminders of the existence of the Blades.  Without the Blades, hockey probably is not a part of my life, or many younger generations of Kansas Citians.  The Aeros, the Fort Wayne Komets, the Chicago Wolves, and the Milwaukee Admirals are all a reminders of the past hope of hockey in Kansas City.  The Grand Rapids Griffins are also a reminder of that, though we won't talk about their terrible existence for obvious reasons.  The Aeros bring back good memories, of simpler times, of the Cleveland LumberJacks and Phoenix Roadrunners, and how obtuse the shootout seemed way before the NHL ever thought about implementing it.  Houston fans don't deserve what's going to happen to their team anymore than we did when the Blades went away.

On a side note, seriously, how great is that logo?  The Aeros didn't change it except for a brief time during their transition to the AHL, but changed it back to the original mostly because the new one was dumb and unoriginal.  Great logos are hard to find today, especially some that have a touch of history to them.  Some that stick with a franchise forever.  The winged-wheel.  The Blackhawk head.  Chief Wahoo.  The Chiefs Arrowhead.

I know people in Iowa excited about this impending new team.  Good for them.  They deserve it – the whole city – because they want it.  Their old team got taken away, and now they got a new one.  Sunrise, sunset.  Though, the new team won't be called the Des Moines Aeros.  In fact, if it's called the Des Moines/Iowa Wild, I'm never setting foot in the state of Iowa again just based on their lack of creativity alone.

But don't you worry, the Aeros will return in some form or fashion, though hopefully it doesn't take fifteen years like it did the last time.  Heck, a new Aeros could even join the CHL, much like the new incarnation of the Quad City Mallards, and former IHL and CHL squad the Fort Wayne Komets.  If the Aeros do come to the CHL and the Mavs have another retro Blades jersey night while they are in town, I'll feel like a kid, you guys, falling in love with hockey all over again.  (heavy, wistful sigh)

Until then, here's a video of the Blades' Kevin Evans and the Aeros Steve Jaques dropping the gloves from the old IHL days.

Courtesy of the Department of Redundancy department.

*Yes, I understand the difference between the NHL and NFL.  Merely demonstrating a point.

A Dream: Riding the Bus of Disappointment

What follows after the jump chronicles a dream I had the other day.  Well, dream is such a loose term.  Let's just call it a night terror.  It may not entertain you, but, well, let's just say the brain is an amazingly ambiguous organ.

* * *

Flubber McGee: (gets on a bus) Hello, bus driver person.  I don't remember where I'm going, but drive around and I'll figure it out.

Bus Driver: Alright.

(Flubber sits down in the empty bus.  A hurried man runs up to the bus as it begins to pull away.  The driver stops, and lets the man onboard.  He sits next to Flubber).

Flubber: (nods head upright acknowledging the man's presence) Hey.

Man: (breathing deeply) Hi, how's it going.

Flubber: (turning away towards the window, disinterested) Pretty good.

Man: Say, I hate to prod, but you aren't in the real estate business, are you?  Oh, my name's Jerry, by the way.

(Jerry extends his arm towards Flubber.  Flubber hesitates to shake the man's hand, but does so anyway).

Flubber: Nice to meet you, Jerry, and no, I'm not in the real estate business.

Jerry:  Oh, that's too bad.  Ya see, I'm looking to offload a couple of properties, and hoped someone might be interested.  As of right now I can't seem to find anyone.

Flubber:  Yeah, I don't really make money, so, I'm not really the best person to talk to...

(Jerry interrupts, as tears begin to roll down his face)

Jerry:  See, I'm in way over my head.  I hate these properties.  I want them gone.  Can't you help me?  Why won't you help me?  Why will no one just let me get rid of this burden?

Flubber: Dude...stop crying.

Jerry: YOU DON'T WANT THESE PROBLEMS!!!

(Jerry runs to the front of the moving bus and out of the retractable doors, rolling away.  Flubber catches a glimpse of Jerry as he rolls by, but he quickly disappears.  A few blocks go by before the bus stops, this time picking up a man in a long brown trench coat.  He walks up to Flubber).

Man 2: Pardon me, but, um, is your name Jerry?

Flubber: Uh, no, actually.  No, why do you ask?

Man 2: Oh, I was supposed to meet a man named Jerry on this bus around this time.

Flubber: Well, to tell you the truth, there was a guy named Jerry here a moment ago.  He mentioned something about real estate...

Man 2: That sounds like him, all right.  Where did he go, do you know?

Flubber:  Um, yeah.  He, uh, well, umm...

Man 2: Oh, I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.  I guess he didn't want to meet after all.  Another missed opportunity for ol' Jimmy.  Oh well.

Flubber: Yeah, you're probably right.  Kind of a weird place to do business, huh?

Jim (apparently): What, on the bus.  Oh yes, not the norm in my line of work.  But this Jerry wanted to keep things private for some reason.

Flubber: What do you do, if I don't mind asking?

Jim: I've been in the States often, recently in Pittsburgh and Nashville working on some projects that fell through.  My line of work can be frustrating at times.

(Jim stares blankly at his wrist watch).

Well, I suppose I should be going.

(Jim gets to the front of the bus and mumbles something incoherent to the bus driver.  The bus slows to a stop, and Jim exits.  At this time Flubber falls asleep for an unknown period of time.  A strong feeling of being watched stirs Flubber from the nap).

Flubber: (groans) uhhhh, wha...?

(A older gentlemen with graying hair and glasses stares back at Flubber, smiling from ear to ear).

Man 3: HELLO MY NAME IS GREG AND I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN AMAZING OFFER YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO RESIST!

Flubber: Why?

Greg: LOOK HERE, SON, HAVE I GOT A GREAT INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY JUST FOR YOU!  FOR ONLY THE LOW LOW PRICE OF A COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS PER YEAR, YOU COULD BE THE PART OWNER OF YOUR VERY OWN COMPANY!  HERE'S HOW...!

Flubber: Why are you shouting?

Greg: FIRST, JUST GIVE ME ABOUT ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS, RIGHT NOW!

Flubber: Are you robbing me?

Greg:  ROBBING YOU!?  WHY NO, FAR FROM IT!  IF ANYTHING, YOU ARE ROBBING ME!  THIS IS SUCH A GREAT OPPORTUNITY, I AM CRAZY FOR OFFERING IT...AND YOU WOULD BE CRAZY TO RESIST IT!

Flubber: Is this a joke?  Am I being punked, or pranked, or stooged or something stupid?

Greg:  ALL THAT IS HAPPENING HERE IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME CHANGE TO ACHIEVE GREATNESS!  I ALREADY HAVE A FEW EUROPEAN GENTLEMEN HIGHLY INTERESTED IN WHAT I'M OFFERING HERE TODAY!  BUT I'M OFFERING YOU TWICE AS MUCH AS I'M OFFERING THEM FOR HALF THE PRICE!  MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION AND BECOME A SUCCESS TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!

Flubber:  No, go away.

Greg:  YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON...!

Flubber:  Dude, go away.

Greg:  NOOOO!  DON'T DO THIS TO ME!  YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARRRREEE MISSSSSSINNNNNGGG OOOUUUUUTTTTTTT ONNNNNNNNNNNN....

(Greg dissolves into a fine mist, which twirls in the air and exits the bus through an open window.  The bus stops once again, picking up another man who finds his way to the seat right next to Flubber).

Man 4: (turning towards Flubber) Hi, my name is Gary Bettman.

Flubber:  Shit.

* * * FIN * * *