(Charlie Brown teacher voice comes through the phone)
Gary Bettman (on phone): Yes, yes. I know, Mrs. Scraggs. And I keep telling you, it just doesn't work like that. Uh-huh. Yeah. Hey, look, I have another call coming in. How about this, when you can talk to me like an adult, call me back.
(Bettman clicks over to other line)
Bettman: Gary Bettman here, how may I help you?
Mysterious businessman: Hallo! I am a, err, businessman from Germania, and I am mucho interestante in owning your Phoenix franchise. Muy muy interestante!
Bettman: Um, okay. I didn't know we had any international ownership groups interested in purchasing the Coyotes.
Mysterious businessman: Oh oui. I have always wanted to own an NHL team, ever since I was a little mensch wearing my lederhosen on the frozen pond.
Bettman: Okay, do you have a name, by chance?
Mysterious businessman: All you need to know is that I represent a very importante investment group.
Bettman: And what is the name of your investment group?
Mysterious businessman: Um...its, uh...G....E...A. Uh...German....Engineering....um...Artichokes...or something.
Bettman: Oookay... well, let's get down to business. No BS. What are you willing to offer us to purchase the organization?
Mysterious businessman: Anything you want. We will do whatever it takes to make the Coyotes the most a la carte team in the league. A la mode, if you will.
Bettman: You know what, I don't think we will be using your services. Thanks for the offer, though.
Mysterious businessman: NEIN! NEIN! NEIN! Achtung, Senor Bettman! You need someone to own the sporting club, n'est-ce pas?
Bettman: Well, yes...
Mysterious businessman: Yes! Si! Da! You need me! You will amor me as an NHL owner!
Bettman: (heavy sigh) Mr. Leiweke, I know it's you, so please quit wasting my time. I have more important things to do. Plus, I'm meeting Shea Weber for dinner in twenty minutes.
Mysterious businessman: Mr. Leiweke. Sacrebleu! I know of no Monsieur Leiweke!
Bettman: Mr. Leiweke, I know it's you, and you already know you cannot own two NHL franchises. As the owner of the Kings, you are disqualified from the Coyotes...err...sweepstakes.
Tim Leiweke: Oh, well, haha. Sorry, Gar-bear. Just pullin' your leg. But, for reals, let me own another franchise.
Bettman: No.
Leiweke: Ah man, that's not fair!
Bettman: I know.
(Bettman hangs up phone)
